After over a year of living in a joint family, we’re moving out. I came to India fully prepared to live out the rest of my days sharing a home with my in-laws, but it seems I was too optimistic. The things I thought would get easier, got worse as my need for personal space and a sense of control grew. People warned me that joint family living is hard, no matter how lovely your in-laws are. I carried on without taking much notice, assuming it would be different for me, and I could make it work. I was going to be with my husband and that’s all that mattered, right?
I have found joint family life extremely hard, this way of life doesn’t suit me. I came to India to be with the man I love, not to be a perfect Indian daughter-in-law. I gladly embraced many of the traditions and customs, but I’m just not cut out to do this 24/7, I want to be able to spend some alone time with my husband without moaning about how isolated I feel.
As a couple, we need our own space and I need to feel at home in India, at the moment I still feel like a lodger in someone else’s house. Unfortunately, I’m not built for joint family life. We all feel this is the best move for us as a family. I’m not against maybe returning to joint family life at some point in the future, but we are newly weds who jumped straight into marriage. We haven’t experienced time alone yet.
I hope that having our own space will improve my relationship with my new family and just give us all the breathing space we all need! Proximity breeds contempt, living in a joint family has taught me that. I feel certain that a little bit of distance (less than 1km) will nurture my relationship with my new family as I am absolutely determined for it to blossom!
It is really embarrassing bursting into tears at work all of the time! Everyday I wake up alone, eat my meals alone and come home to an empty flat. I have been working so much, my family and friends are … Continue reading →
It has been just over 10 months since my Husband and I introduced ourselves to each other. So much has happened since then. We fell in love, he flew to London, we met in person, he moved from America back to India, I finished my masters degree, I traveled to Morocco, then to India, met my in-laws, got married, came back to England, graduated, moved into a new flat by myself and started a new job (technically…all of that happened in eight months, the last two months have just been working and Skyping)!
What a difference such a small amount of time can make to a person’s life. Not only has my marital status changed but the way I think about myself has also changed. When someone you love with all your heart loves you unconditionally, loving everything about you, you too start to love yourself. Before I met my husband my self esteem was hitting rock bottom, I was even losing my self- respect. Through the abundance of love my husband has given me I have realised that I do deserve to be happy. He makes me feel like a Queen, just as all women deserve to feel. I don’t think someones self esteem should depend on another but he really helped me open my eyes and cherish myself.
Everyone of us deserve happiness, there are people in this world that will try and push you down to make themselves feel better. Fortunately, there are also those people you make you see that you are special and show you how beautiful life can be.
The past 10 months have changed my life. I am just so grateful to my husband for being such an amazing support throughout all of my ups and downs during this ‘growth spurt’.
“A woman’s beauty is multiplied 1,000 times when she wears a bindi”- Indian proverb It goes without saying, English life and Indian life are further than just their distance.. Different languages, cuisines, fashion, climate- just to name some of the obvious ones. … Continue reading →