Dear Lauren, I am an Indian guy living in the US. I have a German girlfriend whom I want to marry, living in Germany. My parents live in India. I’m a Hindu by birth, she’s a Muslim. But my dad doesn’t agree with my decision at all. He says he will disown me if I marry any foreign girl. I want to take care of him in his old age and also to marry the girl whom I love. Can you give me some suggestions?
No one should ever have to choose between their family and their life partner. I know this must be extremely difficult for everyone involved. Your Father is probably worried about so many things; what people will say, whether you will change, would a marriage with a foreigner be stable, communication barriers, cultural differences, religious differences, will family traditions be lost etc.
This is a really complex situations and all I can suggest is the following:
- Avoid making any rash decisions, don’t be hasty to cut ties with anyone involved.
- If she doesn’t already, try to help your girlfriend understand why your Father feels so strongly about this; cultural, tradition etc.
- Give your Father time to digest the information. Your news was must have been a tremendous shock and right now your Father is probably unable to see past his own preconceptions, values and traditions.
- Continue to communicate your feelings and how much you still love and respect your Father and that you understand that you are doing something different but it’s something you feel very strongly about.
- Try to make him understand how much his approval means to you both.
- Try your best to avoid conflict and explain now much your girlfriend means to you in a calm and consistent way. Make sure he understands that this isn’t just a phase, but real love.
- Try to remember, your Father is trying to protect you from what he considers to be a bad idea.
- Have patience, take things slowly. Parents usually come around in the end.
It must be extremely difficult to be caught in the middle of two people you love so much, I hope my suggestions help.
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