Lauren

The reason I decided to quit blogging & the reasons I changed my mind!

I’ve been blogging for a couple of years now and I have been lucky enough to attract a lovely group of readers! Unfortunately, it’s a sad fact that anyone who decides to ‘put themselves out there’, at some point or another, will face the wrath of the Internet trolls. According to these Internet bullies I am a white sl*t, a race traitor, I deserve a slow and painful death, and I have even been accused of being a spy for MI6. There have also been comments and emails I would never share the details of because they are just too vile and would upset some people.

After several months of attacks, I got to the point where it was too much. I tried several times to start blogging again but I had lost my drive to create.

I started blogging because during a really rough and hopeless period in my life, I found love in the most unexpected of places and I wanted to document my journey. I wanted to connect with people who could relate to me and share what I have learnt about myself through the new culture I was catapulted into. I’ve always been a creative person interested in the world, so when fell in love with an Indian and decided to move here, I just had to write about it!

I was completely overwhelmed by the support I received, the support I was able to offer to others and the amount of times people told me that my writing was an inspiration. I felt honoured and blessed, but there was always this dark shadow cast by the Internet bullies…

Criticism I can deal with, especially if it has the right intention.  When I talk about Internet trolls, I am talking about people who don’t read what I write, they just attack me for being in an intercultural marriage, for being British, for living in India or simply for being a woman. After realising that these bullies were not looking beyond my photograph, I started to feel that it was nothing personal, these people are just compelled to hate and their hatred happens to be towards the labels that have been given to me. This was an epiphany for me.

Suddenly, I was a little angry at myself for letting those trolls overshadow the beautiful and positive things that have come from this blog! So, after deciding to stop blogging, I changed my mind.

Thank you to all who have stuck with English Wife, Indian Life through the unexplained silences. I know I am seriously behind on comments and emails so please accept my apologies. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly grateful to you all (except you, trolls!).

You’ll be hearing from me soon…

Lots of love,
Lauren xx

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110 comments

  1. Remember that the world is full of people of different types.
    As long as you are true to yourSelf there is nothing to fear from anyone – even God Almighty Himself as my dear Mother always told me as a child!
    Namaskar,Shubha Deepavali to family and friends!

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  2. You’re very brave! Perhaps you should show those nasty posts then the wider community can comment on them, isolate them, not you.

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    • Hey Julie, I have let a couple go up but then have to take them down because once I accept one comment from a person, they can comment freely without my moderation. Then they will comment 50-100 times or start attacking other commenters 😦

      I hope you are well xx

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      • Hey Peggy!
        I tried that but it stopped people being able to have discussions without me being online!
        Maybe I need to hire someone to check it 😛 haha

        Lots of love xx

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      • I started having my husband check my comments for me!

        My blog is trying a new comment system called WorldTable that you might want to try out. It’s aiming to eliminate trolling (quite a lofty goal) but it lets you automatically block people whose “score” is below a certain threshold.

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  3. Hi Lauren,
    Great News that you will be regularly blogging..
    its a pleasure to go through your writings.. love
    Asha Rodrigues

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  4. Keep on blogging.dont pay any attention towards trolls. Most of them are jealous of you , let them burn themselves in their fire of jealousy.

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  5. I’m shocked to hear how horrible the trolls have been! Don’t pay any attention to cowards who make such threats and comments from behind a computer screen. Definitely don’t give up writing – we all really enjoy reading your blogs! The Mi6 thing is quite funny though- I have to ask what their logic for that was? If you really were a spy why on earth would you be writing a blog?!
    I hope you can take positive from this experience and use it to grow a thick skin to fend off idiots and find self-assurance and confidence in the face of a challenge – the one good thing a bully can do is to allow you to face your insecurities and realise they are all unfounded and grow into a stronger person. Bullies themselves are people who have their own issues and insecurities and we should pity them. I was bullied at school for expressing my individuality through the way I dressed, the music I listened to and the way I was outspoken about my views. It destroyed my life at the time but looking back it taught me to stand up for myself and be proud of who I am. Don’t ever stop being yourself, only seek to better yourself. xx

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    • Thank you so much, Cotton!!
      Well the logic was so sound, haha, apparently anyone who writes about their love isn’t truly in love and therefore I was commissioned by the Queen to do some secret mission in India…
      I have definitely grown stronger through these attacks, slowly I am getting used to the thing that is the internet! I cannot be too hard on the internet, it is where i met my husband haha. I was also bullied at school and at least trolls are strangers, school bullies are the worst- but like you said, usually going through their own issues.

      I hope you are well 😀 lots of love xx

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  6. Thank you so much for continuing your blog. I am so sorry what you have to go through so that we might enjoy your blog. Sadly there are those that feel that everyone should believe in their hatred and cruelty. Know that they are the minority and more really love your blog, again glad you are still going to share your story.

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  7. I’m so glad you are back in the game – I’ve really missed reading your blog! ♥ I know the trolls can be harsh. You have such a lovely gift, and I hope you don’t ever give up on what makes you feel good.

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  8. LAUREN,
    CONGRATULATIONS FOR STEPPING UP. YOU ARE A BIGGER, BETTER PERSON AND ARE RISING WELL ABOVE THE “TROLLS”
    KEEP WRITING!
    KIM

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  9. Lauren, thank you for being courageous enough to share this with us. I think everyone who blogs or has ever blogged (like myself) knows how hard it can be. I’ve had moments when I wanted to quit. And actually I did quit for a very long time. So I can understand.

    I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts Lauren — and remember, you always have a friend (and huge fan) in Hangzhou, China! 🙂

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    • Awww thank you so much, Jocelyn ❤ ❤ ❤
      Yes, it's something all of us bloggers have to go to at some point unfortunately!

      I am soooo glad you came back and didn't quit!!!

      Hoping to speak to you soon!! Lots of loveee from India ❤ ❤ ❤ xx

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  10. Exactly! Such haters don’t really see what you do. They just see your name or photo and pass on their judgement. And the real problem is not them. It is us. Why do we even listen to us?
    I stopped making videos after a hater left some nasty comments on how useless they were and so on but then luckily there were people who kept asking for more videos and I got back to making more videos.
    Haters exist, but you don’t really have to bother yourself with the shit they say.
    Keep blogging. You’re awesome. Proud to have you in India and share the experiences. 🙂

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  12. I always look forward to your writing. I reread posts on occasion, too! We, your friends here, will always think of you in a positive light. We are here for you as much as you are here for us. Even if the world falls down, there will still be people that care about you (whether we have met or not). To just read our comments on this post is evidence of this wonderful truth. Thank you for all you do.

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  13. In this virtual world there are some sadist persons who cannot think over any constructive things, they try to find out something to express themselves as superiors than others. Basically they are mentally sick persons. So why bother about those sick persons. Just ignore them. Please keep writing , as so many persons appreciate your blog.

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  14. I’m so glad you are back! I missed your posts! I love your attitude, too. Glad that you are doing well. Take care, and please keep writing! 🙂
    Susan

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  15. keep up the courage, being an Indian woman it was tough for me. For you its even worse and you are really brave. Ignore these people and spread your happiness and positivity 🙂 Would love to see you back 🙂

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  17. Dear Lauren:

    Glad to hear from you again.
    We live in a world where, sometimes, even our best intentions can be misinterpreted, where livinf of prejudices is the easy way out, and showing who you truly are demands a lot of courage.
    These setbacks are opportunities to grow, and see what really matters!
    I wish you all the best, with all my heart, and am very grateful to share in your joy!

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  18. Hi this is Harinivas just saw your blog and my advice is once you add something to the public domain (internet blog) then don’t worry about the trolling and here once my dad said an example when i was low ( a hilarious one too) it goes something like this ( if you ride on a two wheeler on a isolated road on night we find the street dogs running behind the vehicle and barking it don’t mean that the dog is willing to ride the vehicle nor you need to stop and bark back to the dog this will waste your time and energy and you will not be able to reach the destination as the dog’s job is to bark so ignore and move on ….. Dog = trolls so ignore them and keep blogging ( i just read 2 articles of ur blog not full will do later … cheers keep blogging

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    • Awww 😀
      I have seen street dogs chase cars and 2 wheelers before so I can picture that well!
      Although, I much prefer street dogs to trolls 😀
      I hope you are well, thank you for the analogy! 😀
      Take care

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  20. Such people exist everywhere and hence best way is to ignore and try to concentrate on other good things and meet/discuss with friends. Don’t worry you have huge fan following(I am the one among them) now and you should keep writing/sharing your experiences for them 🙂

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  22. It is not just about you being English lauren…i am a hundred percent indian and a girl and i have been subjected to this as well..but cheers to you, for having the tenacity to hang on

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    • Hey Mahi,
      I am so sorry you have also had to suffer with this 😦
      I was just listing the reasons for the trolls attacks, not that only English people get it. I am sure everyone on Earth is a target, depending on the troll…sadly.
      Take care,
      I hope you are well and keep doing what you are doing, don’t let them get you down 🙂 xx

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  24. It’s very nice when we learn how to ignore criticism and not take it personally. I know it can be hard. Good for you! Looking forward to more posts. Hope you, hubby, and pup are doing well.
    I like what another reader said: “As long as you are true to yourSelf there is nothing to fear from anyone”, if we are honest and genuine in the eyes of God, it is all that matters.

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  25. So glad that you have decided to get back in the saddle and get back to blogging. Internet trolls suck and its such a sorry thing that they feel compelled to share and put their misery on others. Just know that you have a tremendous group of people that support you and think that you are doing awesome things (myself included). Can’t wait to continue reading the your journey that you are sharing with all of us. ❤ 🙂

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  26. Keep up the wonderful blog. I love reading it. I too have married an Indian man whom I met in US. I love to hear about the lifestyle that I would live if I were to ever decide to move to India.

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  27. YAY!!!!
    Good on you!
    Always remember with personal/ ad hominem attacks- it isn’t about YOU so don’t take it personally. Do not even acknowledge those nasty trolls or the poop they spread on the internet!
    Keep being beautiful & positive as you are!

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  28. @Lauren

    I don’t understand how people can be rude to a blogger. If you disagree with someone have a decent argument. I have never read anything on this blog which could offend anybody. These people are beyond logic, I guess

    Don’t be perturbed by these low lives. Keep smiling.

    On a lighter note, ever since you called me “bhaiyya” (elder brother) I feel important and wanted to say something to you. I must now fulfil my responsibilities of an Indian elder. In the time honoured tradition of Indian elders, I may chide you sometimes LOL. Moreover, I would also give you unsolicited advice from time to time LOL. Nothing personal, just my duty as an Indian elder LOL. Hope you are not offended.

    Oh, happy diwali and happy “Bhaiya Dhoj” which is on Friday. Bhaiya Dhoj is another Hindu festival celebrating the bond between brother and sisters like Rakhi.

    Keep smiling and god bless you.

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    • Thank you, Friend bhaiyya!
      I don’t really understand either… but there we go!

      I shall not be offended of your unsolicited advice, you have probably already realised that I get unsolicited advice every time I meet an Indian man who is considered an elder. Haha!

      Happy Diwali and Happy Bhaiya Dhoj! I hope you are well!!

      Take care!! 🙂

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      • I am polite and that is why I revealed my plans to u. I was supposed to shoot unsolicited advice as per Indian norms. beware!!!

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  29. Hey Lauren, This should not be the reason to quit blogging. When the intention of this online bullying is to make you stop blogging, you should never let them win. Ignore those nonsense comments and think of them as another dog that barks whilst an elephant is walking.
    Continue your blogging journey and will wait to read more from you

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  31. Looks like your interracial marriage got some people really upset,irritated and rage over race supremacy.Heil Hitler is over for most of us but not some living in a crazy feudal racist time.Let bygones be bygones.

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  33. Hi again Lauren!
    My advice (for what it’s worth)… I wouldn’t bother replying to the whole backlog of comments. Just start again from here.
    Good to see you back. 🙂

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  34. thank god you rethink about your decision and decided to continue your blog. i am not a regular visitor of your blog, but yes, i read most of your post. Thru your post, silently, we also join your journey. Silently we attached with your up and downs in new life. And most of the visitor of your blog, r like me. And I assure you one thing, that most of the people may comment, but r not against any white people in India. You will find partial racial in every corner of the world. So any people who settle down in different culture, he/she should not take ignore it, but not take very seriously.

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      • I forget to inform you about one habit of most of our people. They can comment on your color, but 99% people r not seriously run behind you, to kill you by their remark. You may be realized that in our country, our skin color r mix. many indian r white, many r black, but most of them, mainly in North India, r wheatish. So don’t take rude people so serious. Just think about life, your new family. I think you can understand, what I want to say….hehehehehe

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  35. I’m so glad you posted. Earlier today I was thinking I hadn’t heard anything from you in ages, and figured maybe I just hadn’t been paying attention while I was visiting my daughter in France. So tonight, while I was waiting for dinner to cook, I decided to check up on you. I was very dismayed to learn you’ve been silent because trolls were harassing you, but then pleased and relieved to read that you’ve decided they are small-minded bullies and nothing to fear.

    I’ve always enjoyed your posts and have followed your transition to life in India with interest. Keep blogging, keep smiling, keep ignoring those mean-spirited bullies and keep knowing you have a league of supporters.

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    • Awww thank you so much, Peggy!!
      I hope you had a lovely trip in France, how nice! I miss France, I have an aunt who lives there!

      Thank you again for your supportive comment, I really appreciate it!!
      Sending love xx

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  36. there is a saying in hindi ‘jab musal mein sar diya to okli se kya darna’, in english its even better consider yourself a swan with some very oily wings, no amount of water/dirt can stop the swan from flying 🙂 🙂 , so just dump the trolls by activating moderation on blog, if it goes overboard threaten them with police action and just do what you love to do,

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      • joydeep got the saying wrong it is “jab okli me sar diya to musal se kya darna”. It it a Hindi proverb which means once you have put your head in the crucible then u should not be afraid of the pestle. which means that once u have undertaken a difficult journey u should not be afraid of the difficulties. In your case your it would be your inter cultural marriage.

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  37. It is so sad and appalling that people feel they need to be mean and voice horrible words.
    We are so glad to hear that you changed your mind about blogging.
    Don’t ever be disheartened because for every negative reader, you have a huge bunch of readers who love and admire you. Keep it up! And keep smiling 🙂

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      • Just ignore all those idiots,,,I’m following ur blogs since u started writing,,, I’m doc,,, working in a government hospital,, but even after best treatment people abuse us,,,we (our female staff too) are victim of bullying,, but we still provide our services,,, it’s nice and great pleasure for us to see u again,,,tc,,Im addicted to ur blog,,Hahahaha,tc

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  38. Lauren – I am so glad you decided to keep blogging. I have missed you posting and I’m looking forward to reading your new posts.

    And Internet troll, take a look at all the comments here… There are definitely a lot of people that love and support Lauren’s blog so go away lonely and sad vermin!!!!

    Millie B

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  39. Someone said:
    Haters don’t really hate you, they hate themselves;
    because you’re a reflection of what they wish to be

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  40. Hello Lauren, welcome back! Ignoring the trolls themselves is one thing, but I think it’s important to acknowledge the attacks, more so as women are targeted far more, and more harshly/threateningly, simply for being women – it’s reflective of societal attitudes to us, and ignoring the problem won’t make it go away. So thank you for speaking up about it, and I’m sure it was no easy decision to come back but I’m glad you’ve been able to!

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    • Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Sakthi!
      The internet is a sad and brutal place sometimes! I guess the only thing we can do is try and be brave and soldier on!
      I hope you are well!! Sending love xx

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  43. I’ve found your blog a month ago and I was so captivated by the way you write that I read all the content in a weekend, like I do with my favorite books. You are so talented! The way is describe your experiences is fascinating, especially to me, because I am brazilian and I’ve never been in England or India. To have the opportunity to learn at the same time about two different cultures so distant from my own is a privilege.
    I’m glad you’re back! Thank you for letting us be part of your journey.

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  44. The internet can be an awesome place where people thousands or miles away from each other (both literally and figuratively) can find a common ground, expand on their similarities, learn, and grow. Unfortunately, some people lack the ability to see common ground, to respect the thoughts and feelings of others, and they react with anger to anything that challenges their idea of what “right” is.

    One day, hopefully the people who said such mean things to you will reflect and reexamine themselves and their choices.

    Until then, know that more people, many, many, MANY more people appreciate your story, your writings, and you. You Rock.

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    • Thank you for your lovely comment, OV! You’re right, it’s such a fabulous place but unfortunately the shadows are dark, but the light does shine brighter I will try very hard and focus on that!!
      Hoping you are well 😀

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  46. From one blogger to another; Haters are gonna hate, Lauren!
    Don’t you ever let them damper your spirits. Enjoy and share the positivity.
    Like I said, you have a very lovely blog. Keep going. 🙂
    I and many other readers who love this place will definitely stick around.

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  47. I absolutely adore you lauren ❤
    You are a true fighter and a compassionate one at that!
    You have my immense respect and i love reading your blogs.. HUG.

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