They are in India and you are stuck wherever you are. It’s tough, really tough. I was in a long distance relationship with my husband for about a year, only actually being with him for five weeks during that time. My husband has been away with work for nearly three weeks now and it’s brought back all of those long distance memories.
Here are my ten top tips for coping in this situation, after living in it myself:
1. Find a time that suits both time zones
She might be going to sleep at the same time as you wake up, or he is at work when you are putting your feet up in the evening. Depending on where you are, the time difference can make everything much more difficult. It is very important to find a time which suits you both, even if that does mean staying up for a little longer or waking up at the crack of dawn. Don’t just go with the flow and hope that you are able to catch each other, set a ‘date’.
2. Bring a little bit of India to you
One of the things that helped me cope with my long distance relationship was bringing some Indian traditions into my British life. This made me feel closer to my husband and actually gave me strength, especially wearing sindoor daily (even if it did cause a lot of curiosity). Celebrate Indian holidays, light those incense sticks you brought back from India and play the Hindi love songs he sent you.
Looking to buy sindoor online? Try my favourite liquid brand… US, UK, India
3. Set a date
The excitement you feel as you see the days fall away makes any long distance relationship easier, the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Decide when you will see each other again, and try not to make it a one sided thing, visit each other if you can. This can be costly, and the next time you visit India might be quite far in distant the future but even if it won’t be for years, try to set a date. I had a countdown app on my phone, waking up everyday to see that number of days decrease was great.
4. Watch the same movies, read the same books
Strangely, even if you are not doing this at the same time, it makes you feel closer. ‘He will love this part’ or ‘she really laugh at that bit’. It’s an experience you guys can share and then talk about, even with miles between you. Plus, you will learn more about each other, especially if your relationship is new.
5. Skype is your best friend
Seeing your loved one on the screen is so exciting, actually experiencing their mannerisms and being able to pull faces at each other is wonderful. I think Skype is the best form of communication, also instant messenger apps (like whatsapp) are great for when you are on the move or at work.
6. Skype can be your worse enemy
Two reasons. India is notorious for its bad internet connection, sometimes it just doesn’t want to cooperate which can leave you in tears. The internet connection isn’t the only technical problem, those nasty power cuts. Argh, extremely frustrating.
The other downside to Skype is that it make you feel so close, yet you are so far. Sometimes I needed a break from Skype because it gets too emotional. To have to end that call and be in a cold room full of silence was really distressing, sometimes it was better for us to talk on messenger.
7. Live your life
I have received several emails from girls in online relationships with Indian guys and a surprising amount of these girls have been given ‘rules’. They cannot wear this, they cannot do that etc. etc. blah blah blah. Whilst you should respect your love, don’t let them remotely control your life. Only agree to the stuff that you feel comfortable with.
8. Send each other gifts, but not really expensive ones
It is so lovely to receive gifts, especially ones with a personal touch, it keeps the romance alive. A word of warning though, if you are planning on sending a parcel to India, don’t be surprised if some things go missing. Your love will receive at least part of your gift. You can buy via websites based in the country of your other half (during our separation, my husband sent me my birthday present via amazon.co.uk).
9. If you plan to move to India, spend time falling in love with your own country for a while
…and appreciate being with your family. You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone, even if you are the happiest you have ever been in India, you will have pangs of homesickness. Collect some memories to take with you, post cards, letters, photographs etc. and visit all of your favourite places. Not only will this be a comfort to you whilst you are in India, you will enjoy yourself and it’s a way to pass the time!
10. Remember, this is not forever
You will be with your sweetheart soon and the distance will close. Your long distance relationship can either make or break your relationship, and if you survive it, it will make your bond stronger.
Don’t give up, love can conquer all.
***
Do you have any long distance relationship tips?
English Wife, Indian Life 
Agree with the skype bit. When my husband is travelling, we catch up via skype. Once, he was not allowed to use skype and we had somehow managed a video and chat tool. It was heartbreaking 😦
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Oh dear, when Skype doesn’t work it is awful! I haven’t been able to Skype my husband this whole three weeks and he only manages one phone call a day because the network is so bad in the desert 😦
I hope you are both well! xxx
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Personally I dont use skype at all 😉 for me Viber became my best friend and I can call my baby any time I want because it works like simple call 🙂 also you can send instant messages like in whatsapp. So for those, who has problem with skype can use my favorite app 😛
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We used viber and whatsapp a lot too! Skype does get way too emotional sometimes. Also, phone 3g is sometimes better than laptop internet in India 😛
Lauren xxx
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It´s been one year since I travelled to India to meet my boyfriend, it is really hard but we never lose hope and we´re planning to marry next year after 5 years of long distance relationship…Thanks God for Skype and Whatsapp! Nice post Lauren Xx
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Awwww! Wow, 5 years, so amazing! Congrats, next year will be such a relief for you guys! I am excited for you both!
I hope you are well, take care
Lauren xxx
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Luckily I have not had to do a long distance relationship with my hubby, I could not have dealt with it, it would have been extremely difficult. Props to the gals that do it, it is really hard.
We have been together for 9 years and this year we were seperated for 3 weeks because he was in India for his grandpa’s funeral. It was very difficult with the time zones.
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Wow, nine years and only three weeks. Thats an accomplishment, so sorry for the sad situation which separated you. Tomorrow my husband is coming HOME after three weeks away, it is really tough. I don’t know how I did it, I respect those like Carol (commented above) whose love has survived 5 years of LDR 🙂
I hope you guys are well xx
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a very emotive post for me. Although my fiance is not Indian (he’s Indonesian) as we both plan to move back to the UK, I’m gearing up for the time where we’ll have to be apart for a minimum of 6 months. It’s nice to know there are others in the same boat and how others have overcome it so well 🙂
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Aww, big hug Saira! There are many others out there who will be able to give you invaluable support, just focus of when you will be reunited and happy together in the UK.
Another hug, it will be fine, and only make you guys stronger xxx
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Lauren, your post gave me strength to deal with another day without my love, since he is in India.
Your post is so heart-touching and so nice that it gives hope and I’m looking forward with better hope till December, when my boyfriend is planning to visit me in Poland.
Thank to you my heart is full of excitement 🙂
I wish you all the best in life and thank you for a great blog.
Chalo aur aapka din achha rahe 🙂
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❤ aww, big hug, Eliza.
It is really tough, December will come soon. Start planning where you will take him, will he be spending Christmas with you? Sure he will love it.
Take care and best wishes xxx
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Hi Lauren,
Thank you for the hug 🙂
Yes, he will be spending Christmas with me and my family and will check what winter means 🙂 I hope he won’t froze here.
Thank you for such a beautiful blog and such great stories.
Best of luck and take care :X :X :X
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Thank you so much, Eliza ❤
Ooooh how lovely! I don't think I can even cope with the British cold anymore after living here for only 9-10months haha
Take care xxx
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Although I am not in a long-distance relationship, and never have been, I just wanted to say that the advice you give here stikes me as really sound and very useful for those to whom it does apply.
I also wanted to ask you something. With regard to no.7, I wondered how you felt when you received the emails from those girls whose boyfriends were trying to control their lives before they had even moved to India? My instinct is that it doesn’t bode well. If the men in question are like that before the girls have even moved to India, I imagine it will be a hundred times worse once she is there, when he will always be thinking about how her behaviour is perceived by his family members, other men and society at large. Did you feel concern for what these girls might be getting themselves into. And if yes, did you express that to them?
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Hey Nicola,
I have never really considered myself an agony aunt so I have steered clear of advice columns and such, I don’t like commenting on other peoples relationships but as these ladies asked me for help I gave them my honest opinion. I think that if someone is controlling remotely then once the girl moves to India, it will only get worse. So much of your independence is taken away when you move to another country, the last thing you need is a heap of rules on top.
One of the girls has since left her Indian love, I admire her strength because controlling relationships can be really hard to get out of.
I hope you are well,
Lauren xxx
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Even though we have talked about this many times, your words are still comforting. Skype IS my best friend. And yes…. That Indian internet is the reason Skype is also my worst enemy. Ahaha.
I love that you suggest to spend time falling in love with your own country first.
Everything you wrote is absolutely spot on.
I remember burning Indian incense and listening to Indian love songs ALL summer, one year. Ahaha ♥
You are the best!
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Awwww thanks Crystal. Yes, the LDR sisterhood haha. You guys will be reunited in a matter of days now, hooray
xxx
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Just got back from seeing my sweetie in India and it could be May before I can get back. I’m using my time to study Hindi and I’m also going back to college. Fabulous tips! Thank you. I wish my sweetie had Skype. Next time I go back I’m taking a better iPhone or iPad for him.
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Awww Pixie, I hope you guys are reunited soon. I hope you had a fab time in India and good luck with college. Skype is very good, I hope that your sweetie will be able to get it soon!
Take care, lots of love x
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Hi Lauren !
First of all thank you for your blogg! This has been really helpful for me as im living now in a long distance relationship with my Indian fiance. I self live in Finland, and we have now been in this long distance relationship for 7months. We tried to get visa to my fiance in july(-14) but he got rejected. Now im going back to my love after one week for 1month. My fiance lives in Goa and he’s not a rich boy. So getting married and moving to India with him in a near future is not going to happen as I wish that but now I have to wait…
You had write this
“7. Live your life.
I have received several emails from girls in online relationships with Indian guys and a surprising amount of these girls have been given ‘rules’. They cannot wear this, they cannot do that etc. etc. blah blah blah. Whilst you should respect your love, don’t let them remotely control your life. Only agree to the stuff that you feel comfortable with.”
And I have to tell, that im one of these girls who gets these rules of what can I do, what can I wear etc. My fiance gets angry of me of everything. I cant do anything or go anywhere or I cant eaven see my family and friends without getting my fiance angry on me. But I don’t wanna leave him as im so in love with him and I wanna marry him.
Your blogg has been really helpful for me and I have felt more peacful and hopeful after reading your blogg. I can’t enough thank you for this Lauren ! Your blogg has helped me a lot to know about Indian life and how it is to be a firangi bahu. So maybe my time will come sooner or later ! 🙂
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Hello Sane,
How are you today? Thank you so much for getting in contact. I really hope everything works out for you, really remember that when you move to India you loose all of your independence for a while, at least until you can start a life of your own and that can take years.
You really must speak to your fiance and tell him that he cannot control you and that if he wants you to be happy, he must give you freedom. Once you live in India, you will depend on your husband for everything (at least at first) and if he is already getting angry, the controlling behaviour might increase when you move. And, once your here it’s hard enough already to adapt, you will need support and to be allowed to do things that are comfortable for you.
I am sure if you speak openly with him about how you feel, you will hopefully be able to come to a resolution :). Don’t let people control your life honey, sometimes a partner can make us believe that it’s their right to do so, but it’s not. Control and love don’t mix well ❤
Best of luck and big hug. Stay strong xxx
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[…] natural mehendi is really strong, this mehendi has come all the way from Rajasthan (the state which stole my husband for three weeks). The natural mehendi gives a beautiful deep orange stain. Stay away from black mehendi, one of […]
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Hi Lauren!
Thank you for your answer to me. Im well now.. Only five days left until I meet my love again.
I have been thinking that a lot and im really not sure if that’s the right desicion to me /to move there), but I love my fiance a lot and I think in the end I will be ready to stay in India and loose my independence for a while because of him. Good thing is that my mom and my aunt is visiting Goa every year and I have good friends there so they can help me with whatever if something happens to me or I don’t feel good to be there anymore. He’s really not a typical Indian boy and that’s why it’s really hard to me to talk openly to him about how I feel and like that on. I know it’s not right and healthy for me that he’s controlling my life like that but I hope he understands some day what’s good for me and us.
Thank you again Lauren ! ❤
Hugs to you too 🙂
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Hey Sane,
Wow, 5 days, good luck!! That is great that your family visit India often, but try your best to speak with him. Open and honest communication is essential for a happy marry, so do not hide your discomfort 🙂
Take care! xxx
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Hey Lauran my husband is in northern India I haven’t seen him since I visited and got married to him 5 months ago… I miss him terribly… really wanting to visit him soon despite the plus 40 weather. .. how do you deal with the heat? Him and his family are worried if I come visiting soon… worried for my health they love me so much. … I feel this insane depression not being with him… we are in the process of a long spousal sponsorship.. I’m Canadian in Canada. This distance is killing me I really wanna just go and deal with the heat.
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Hey Meggan,
I am really sorry you have had to be separated for so long. The summer is really hard here but it’s cooler now, I hope you are able to visit soon!!I am sorry you have to deal with this heartbreaking situation!
I hope the distance closes for you soon!
Lots of love xx
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Hi Lauren, im currently having a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who is indian. We’ve been together for almost 10 months. Like you did, i also feel comfort, easiness and happiness thru our online relationship (we met online). I’ve never feel this way before with any man in real life. After 6 months together, i visit him in india for 8 days, and it was the best days of my life. I feel the same with u on ur 1st meeting in london with ur husband 🙂
But here’s the thing, will his family be accepting with foreigner as in law? I heard many stories that indian family only wants their son to get married thru arrange marriage. How is ur husband’s family first know about ur relationship if i may ask?
I love reading ur blog, it gives me hope. And i enjoyed ur stories.
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I am sorry in advance…. I have been married for three years to a wonderful indian man. He was the love of my life, and yet it didn’t work out…. I seriously worked on it for 3 years in Delhi. I had an abortion and it was the last straw… Now I have gone back to my home country and I am suffering like I have never suffered before. But it was a matter of survival. It is not always happily ever after, even when you really believe in it…. I admire you Lauren….. Be happy always….
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Dear Fish,
I am so so sorry you have had to experience this. Sending you lots and lots of love ❤ xxxxx
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Dear Angie,
I hope you are well! I am so glad you got to meet you love in person, finally!!
My husband’s family were pretty accepting for Indian parents, his grandmother was most upset. These things take a lot of time to settle and with time things cool down. It’s best to tell them asap if you guys are serious, so they can digest it before you visit again
Lots of love xx
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Hello, I am too in a long relationship with one girl. She is romanian, we had completed two years almost these August. And these night we broken up ! So we are not no longer now. Anyway our story not worked. I just read your story and happy. For you. Got bless your happy life And make your future bright ! Happy family
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I am so sorry, Chetan!
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You’re one among a lucky few. You found your love in a guy of another culture! I know a distant relative of mine who married a black woman from a developed nation. They loved each other, married and settled in her country. At one point, he was asked to leave her by his family and marry an Indian instead, but he said he would never be able to leave her for another. How amazing! Now they’re old, retired and live in India, but still love each other nevertheless.
Best wishes to you, your family and the little Mosakdar yet to arrive. 🙂
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That is a lovely story!! Thank you so much for sharing 😀
Lots of love xx
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Morning Lauren, we’ll firstly I should say that reading all these comments comfort me to know I’m not the only one! I went to India 3 months ago to try sourcingstock and supplies for my small business, and had absolutely no intentions of falling in love with my Indian Muslim, Tuk Tuk driver! But I did, and now I’m struggling so much! I guess firstly because I know nothing of their culture, beliefs, habits! So I find myself questioning and doubt his comments and love for me. Even though I do think he’s very sincere, I find all of that thrown in with distance is messing with my head! He’s put in for a visa but doesn’t seem to have jumped through enough hoops for the Indian government yet! It’s great to read these other people and your stories to know I’m not alone, even though some days I feel so alone xo
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