The decision to quit my job

During the four months since I have returned to England, I have graduated with my masters degree in pharmacy and have been working towards qualifying as a pharmacist. The last thing I wanted to do was quit, but I’ve come to the decision to quit my job.

I started on my journey to becoming a pharmacist back in 2009, when I was a completely different person. Those four years studying for my master degree were really tough on me, I didn’t have the ‘time of my life’ as university has been advertised as. University was definitely not what had I expected. There were so many instances when I started to pack my bags and begged to go home. In the end, I persisted and gained my masters degree and I am extremely proud of that!

It was during my last months of university when I first came into contact with my husband and within days of talking to him, I knew I would be moving to India to be with him. Once I had finished my exams, I went to India and fell in love all over again. My summer in India gave me a taste of how my life will be once I move there permanently. I know that living in India vs. moving to India are two very different things, but I am prepared to brave it!

I finally had what I had longed for my whole life; romance, tenderness and love. I still felt that I should finish my training in the UK, something I had been committed to for four years. Leaving India broke my heart but I had been expected to become a pharmacist and I did not want to disappoint anyone or live with any regrets! So here I am, four months into my twelve month training.

The training itself is so stressful. I dread going to work everyday and cannot see myself doing this for much longer. Being a pharmacist in reality is very different to how I thought it would be. It just doesn’t fit the person I am. This is not something that I want to spend my life doing. Pharmacists are essential to the healthcare system and do an amazing job but unfortunately I have come to realise that this career is not for me.

It is not only the training and being away from my husband that has been a strain. I have had to move to a completely new town, I have no support system here and the stress just keeps building. I have become so unhappy. Lately I have been told by a doctor not to go to work because I could not stop crying. I never thought a job could do this to me. I am realising the importance of happiness more and more. I have spent a large proportion of my adult life in misery and now enough is enough.

I feel its time for me to do what will make me feel happy instead of continuing what is expected of me and what I expected of myself.  I am going to follow my heart and return to India to be with my husband. I will certainly use my healthcare knowledge in India and build myself a new career somehow, something I will enjoy and feel passionate about. Sometimes it is just best to quit and move on to something new!

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45 thoughts on “The decision to quit my job

      • Hi Mrs and Mr Mokasdar (in true maharashtrian style),

        Firstly excellent website. Fantastic websites design. I also agree with Brady that your style of writing is amazing.

        But its not the style of writing I want to compliment. When I read your blogs and website I could see a person pure of heart and soul pour her heart out on paper.

        So pure that when I read your blogs and website I could see your story unfold in front of my eyes. You did the right thing by coming back to India. You didn’t just come back to India, you came back to love, you came back to life.

        You’re a human being you need love!

        Even a billionaire like Bill Gates will agree with it. Otherwise he will wear a bump on his head the next day gifted to him by Melinda Gates.

        Education is important and you’ve already done your 4yr degree. You can work wonders in India too. The idea of joining your mother in laws business is great.

        I’ll give you an example. There are people who have done 10 degrees, have proudly put them up on their wall and know nothing. Trust me I know some people.

        And then there are some smart people who study and make their education work for them and become famous.

        Don’t look far out. You’re an example of the smart people. You have a degree in pharmacy but did you think that your Blogs! were going to be this famous? Today so many people know you because of your blogs and website. Did you ever think that so many people were going to know about you and your life story.

        Now ask your self, Do you believe in destiny? Do you believe in a higher power, in God?

        I wish you and your family a happy new year 2016. Keep in touch.

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  1. take help from psychologist if u go to india to start a new life in a bad mental state the life could become difficult.u can ask ur mother to stay with u for some months if u feel lonely

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    • Hi Indian.
      My mental health has suffered a lot from this ordeal. I am hoping that as soon as all my problems have been resolved and I am in India that I will feel much better. I will definitely seek help if I do not settle as I hope I will. Thank you for your comment! Take care 🙂

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  2. Hi, From one Indian woman to another about to be: Really feel you should be completing your studies. Take a short break, but don’t quit. You never know which part of the world you may end up with your husband and education always helps.

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    • I agree with you, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Often it’s harder to listen to the mind when the heart is screaming so loud. In any case, Lauren will do what she feels right for her and the rest will turn out as well as it can 🙂 We can only send positive thoughts her way.

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      • My heart and mind both say that its not practical in her circumstances. She is giving up something she has for something she doesn’t know how it will turn up. I might also join the positives and tell her to listen to her heart etc. , but that will not be good advise. just telling her what she wants to hear and what may turn out as a disadvantage later in her life. Of course it will be completely up to her to ignore any other voice apart from her own. And I think her decision is already made.

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      • but its ideas like that which see so many Indians commit suicide these days

        Career is important – YES… But it is not the reason for life

        This girl has found her life… It doesnt matter if she practices pharmacy going forward because she has a home and her husband… Her life is set

        I admire the Indian work ethic but you dont need to be miserable in terms of work in the year 2015

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    • Hii,
      I have actually been signed off of work now by the doctor for a total of a month because I have developed depression and general anxiety disorder. The doctor himself told me it is best I not go back to work for a good while yet. The thing is with this training year you have to spend a minimum time working, I would have to start again in August 2014 if I have anymore time off. This includes holidays.

      If I were to force myself to go back to work it could damage my mental health further or even make a clinical error. A career as a pharmacist is not right for me. Even if I did end up back in the UK I am certain that I wouldn’t want to be a pharmacist- the last 3 months has shown me this. Thank you so much for your advice… I was really of the same opinion 3 months ago but in practice I cannot do it.

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    • Oh I agree with you 100%. On her previous post I typed a long response urging her to think things through before making such an irrational decision. But when someone has their mind made up there is really nothing you can do to change it. Do I think her decision is wise? Nope, But it’s her life and she’s going to live it however she sees fit. I think her decision is hasty and impractical, but I am not the one who has to live with the consequences. I also find it a bit disheartening that she draws all of her self-esteem and self-worth from her marriage instead of herself.

      Ultimately the choice is hers and this will be a stepping stone for her. All we can do is support her, however it turns out.

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      • Hi Shoshan,

        I hope you are well!! I would just like to assure you that the decision is not hasty; it is 3 months in the making. I can honestly say that if I did not meet my husband I would still be considering leaving this profession. It is very stressful and (the way the UK healthcare system is becoming) corporate… I wanted to be a pharmacist to help people, not make money for the big bosses. The consequences of continuing further into this career could be that I could damage my mental health further. My doctor told me under no circumstances can I return to work until I am in a better state of mind.
        Thank you so much for your concern and advice and I can ensure you that 3 months ago I would have agreed that I should finish what I have started but enough is enough. I cannot live another 9 months of misery on the off chance that may move back to the UK AND change my feelings towards the career.

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      • I agree with what you say at the end of your first para. There are far too many instances of Indian women sacrificing their career for family and the consequences of that are what we see around every day.
        Hope the break gives her some clarity to take a sensible decision.

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    • Hii Bhawnavij,
      Thank you so much for your comment, sorry about my extremely late reply!! I have actually been signed off of work now by the doctor for a total of a month because I have developed depression and general anxiety disorder. The doctor himself told me it is best I not go back to work for a good while yet. The thing is with this training year you have to spend a minimum time working, I would have to start again in August 2014 if I have anymore time off. This includes holidays. On monday I went to my place of work and found it hard to even cross the threshold.

      If I were to force myself to go back to work it could damage my mental health further and I am quite nervous about it. A career as a pharmacist is not right for me. Even if I did end up back in the UK I am certain that I wouldn’t want to be a pharmacist- the last 3 months has shown me this.

      I have spent a large proportion of my life until now being really sad. I don’t want to be sad anymore.

      Thank you so much for your advice… I was really of the same opinion 3 months ago but in practice I cannot do it.

      Lauren

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      • Hi Lauren,
        I’m glad you took the first step which is to consult a medical practitioner. Take a break as he says, but do take advice from people around you on your decision to quit studies and keep a study plan ready EVEN before you go to India and commit yourself for a lifetime. That is my honest advice. Best wishes to you.
        Bhawna

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    • Hi Bhawna,

      I hope you are well! I would just like to clarify that the reason that I am not completing my training year is not solely due to my marital status. I am already planning to continue my career in India in a field of healthcare I will actually enjoy. I have already graduated with my masters degree in pharmacy and I originally thought that being a pharmacist was the best way for me to use this degree, sadly, since started my training I have found it is not the career I originally thought it was. I want to be able to utilise my skills and knowledge from my healthcare knowledge to have a career that I enjoy and be more involved in helping people (rather than making profits from selling medicines).
      I agree with you that women should not give up their career because of family commitments; my husband and in-laws fully support me having a career in India. My mother-in-law has started a business herself from scratch and the business has grown and employs and empowers women.

      Thank you so much for all your advice, I really do appreciate it!I hope you are well Bhawna! Take care

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  3. I think following your heart is the best option. Don’t regret it! It takes guts to build your life the way you want. Sometimes the best things in life happen on an unplanned journey.

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    • Thank you so much Madh Mama!
      I definitely think it is time to do something that makes me happy rather than something I feel I should do!
      I hope all three of you are well!

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  4. Well dear, it’s up to you to decide!.You can still use your knowledge in India.No harm done as long as you prescribe the right med not the wrong med!

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    • Hi Cyril!
      Thank you for your comment!
      I do plan to use my knowledge in India in some way, maybe a health centre or something. I will make sure that all the correct medicines are given haha! Thank you!

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  5. Are you planning to continue to work towards pharmacy in India? It would be a very interesting place to work in a profession like that – full of unique challenges.

    And then I’m not sure what it would be like to bridge the gap back to being a pharmacist in the UK if you two wanted a change of scenery together later on for some reason, but I do know there are avenues for many Indian professionals to work around the globe, so I wonder if there’s a way to sort of eat your cake and have it, too and leave a lot of options still open?

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    • Hi Bronwyn!

      I do plan to use my knowledge in some way, maybe something to do with a healthcentre. India is a land of opportunities and I am sure I can help people in some way.

      It is just the case of doing this 1 year after gaining the masters degree to practice in the UK (where I have no intention of living) I hope you are well!!

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  6. Lauren:

    If only we had a crystal ball, life would have been so easy. It’s too easy to say that follow your heart, but the value and practicality of that decision will only be realized in future that we don’t have any control over. All I will say is that you are the best judge in this situation. Keep your mind open to all options, i.e. not all eggs in one basket. And most importantly, let your Mind (conscious as well as unconscious) be the decision maker, and not the Heart…..not just here, but at all times. Strong Mind can see the subtleties of life, and read between the lines that a sentiment-driven emotional Heart is not capable of anytime.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    -Deo,
    http://dshenai.wordpress.com

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    • Hi Deo,

      I hope you are well!
      My heart told me 3 months ago to stay in India but my mind was saying ‘no you must do this year in the UK’. As the days passed and I became more and more stressed at work my mind started to agree with my heart. That is how I know my heart was telling me to do the right thing. I still have my masters degree and hope to use it in India in an area of healthcare. Whn one door closes, God always opens a window. Take care and thank you for your advice!

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  7. I have to say that I can relate to this and have experienced something so similar on two occasions now. First, after meeting my husband, I left him in Germany to return to the states because I thought it was best to finish my 2 years post grad school that I needed to get my clinical license as a social worker. Then just as I reached the point to qualify to get this license, we decided to return to Germany and I had timing issues with the state in order to test for my license. I also knew that unless I worked on a military base in Germany, the license would be useless. It was a decision I went back and forth with and to be honest I’m still torn. Most of the time, I wish I never left Germany in the first place. I think that would’ve been the best decision. But I will admit that I have moments where I wish I had gotten my license. I’m not sure where those feelings come from but I think they mainly come from the fact that it was a goal for so long that now it feels like I quit when I was so close. I do have those feelings and sometimes it sucks. I’ll be honest with you about that. But, I know I still made the right decision for me and my family to return to Germany. So, ultimately, I just remind myself that my life is on a new path and who knows where it will lead. Just because I closed one door, doesn’t mean that I didn’t open a better one and doesn’t make me a quitter. I chose a different path and so are you. I hope that helps. Good luck to you!

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  8. This was a powerful read. I (Mrs WiseMonkey) studied and qualified as a pharmacist too and completely understand what you are saying and where you are coming from. I felt the same about my career choice. I felt that it was nothing like what I had envisaged and it was stressful. I was constantly dreading going to work and felt like I wasn’t fulfilled. I stopped working as “your typical pharmacist” 5 years ago and have never really looked back. I still work in the health area but not doing “pharmacy” work and I am so much happier now.
    We both, at wisemonkeysabroad.com, wish you all the best in India and ARE so excited to have stumbled across your blog and will be following your stories with keen interest!
    Congratulations on making the decision to move, I’m sure it wasn’t easy! 🙂

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    • Hi Mrs WiseMonkey!
      It is so brilliant to hear from you!! Your journey is so reassuring for me. Thank you so much for getting in contact! Being a pharmacist really is not for everyone and you only find that out after experiencing it for a while!

      I saw a girl with her laptop in a coffee shop today and on her desktop it said ‘find what your soul loves- and do that’.

      I love your blog… you life seems so exciting! Have an amazing time in Australia! xx

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  9. if you are so much against working as a pharmacist in the UK, where I worked in the 90s in the NHS system, then onething you must most definitely remember is that you should avoid pursuing a career in pharmacy in India. Spurious meds are a huge problem there, the companies gift doctors with vacations for supporting their drugs. I dont want to say a lot on this topic here but as an Indian origin physician practicing in the States now I must caution you on this. Also you mentioned business run by your would be MIL. Be ware that businesses run in India are not pretty examples of honest enterprises either. Have a hunch .You will end up working for NGOs without a pay in my opinion. Good luck with living in India (that too in a small town like Nagpur), my former land of domicile. Its a different matter I love India to death.

    It is important that one must connect with India spiritually in order to get used to it, mere love for the wo/man wont do it Im afraid. The land of contrasts can be overwhelming. Iam sorry for not painting a rosy picture for you, honest opinion is more satisfying to me than to remain politically correct in these serious situations, but then Im not a pessimist by any measure, believe me.Hope everything works out for you in the end.

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    • Hi Surya!

      I hope you are well! Thank you so much for your comment! I definitely do not want to be a pharmacist in India… NGO in healthcare would be perfect for me. My MIL has a yoga/accupressure/fitness/herbal health business… I don’t really see how dishonest that could be haha.

      I am, and always have been intrigued with Indian spirituality and plan to become full immersed it it! It is infact one of the many things I love about India! Thank you so much for your advice, Surya!

      Take care

      Like

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  12. your style of writing is really good. I really feel your emotions and it is a good read

    Again, wishing you the best, and just know that we all take joy from your story

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  13. I am also a British woman (Scottish) married to an Indian man. My husband is an Indian Muslim and our relationship is amazing. He truly is my soulmate. His parents love me and we have a beautiful 20 month old boy, called Firoz after his Dad. I have been to India 3 times and I love it. We live in Scotland. I enjoy reading your blog, it is well written and informative. I am glad u took the plunge and moved to India and I wish you every happiness.

    Natalie

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  14. I went through a similar situation where I had committed so much to a life choice that I felt like I could’t leave it. But as you said, “I spent so much time in misery and…enough is enough. Everything will work out in the end. Even if you would have finished…would it have been worth the misery? Probably not. Removing yourself from misery is not something that people are generally applauded for..but it requires strength and self-awareness that most lack. Cheers! To a healthy and happy future full of love ❤

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