You’ve Made the Wrong Choice 14


If you are open about your life, you will undoubtedly receive a whole heap of unsolicited advice. Most is from a kind or concerned place, sent with love and good wishes, and I send abundant appreciation for that advice, even if I don’t always choose to follow it. Then, of course, there are the moral policers who are waiting to say “you’re wrong” or “you’ve made a bad choice”.

There are several things in life which are undoubtedly wrong, hurting people or inaccurate math for example, but the things I’ve been criticised for, told I should change immediately, are my personal choices. Life is complex, nuanced, layered and everyone is different. What is wrong for you, might be right for me and vice versa. I believe that people should have a choice. If everyone followed the same life path, life would be pretty boring (and kind of cult-ish).

Wouldn’t it?

It’s not only my choice in husband or my choice in home I’ve been told is wrong. It’s my choice to learn from and experience my husband’s culture and religion. I would say to anyone with the opportunity to experience another culture or travel to a distant land, grab it by the horns! You don’t have to change who or what you are, but seeing life from a different perspective will inevitably open your eyes and shed your preconceptions. You don’t always need a plane ticket to broaden your mind, simply stepping out of your comfort zone can trigger an inner revolution.

When I was younger, I really wanted to be religious and have faith, and I was kind of jealous of those who did. I yearned to know an absolute truth, I wanted a guaranteed, tried and tested, path. I spent several years reading about Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Buddhism and Kabbalah. Some parts felt intrinsically right, others didn’t. I’ve since come to peace with the fact that I don’t fit into a religious label. I’ve realised that if God was powerful enough to create a universe, surely s/he would be able to lay out more than one path towards her/him. I have learnt that for me to feel aligned with something higher, I need to stay close to things that make my soul sing.

I remember in school, we had to do a test to discover our learning style, whether we learnt best by hearing, seeing or doing. The teachers recognised that we all learn in unique ways, they used the results of the test to customise their teaching to maximise our potential. I think this applies to life, we are all unique, following different paths. Sometimes we make mistakes, we learn through trail and error, but it is our unique path, our choice.

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About Lauren Mokasdar

Lauren fell in love on the internet, took a one way flight from England, got married & started a new life & bicultural family in India. She writes about finding happiness & balance between two very different worlds, when her baby takes a nap.


14 thoughts on “You’ve Made the Wrong Choice

  • Jocelyn Eikenburg

    Thanks for writing this — your post really spoke to me b/c I’ve been told “you’re wrong” before in various ways as a fellow blogger. I also, like yourself, have found I don’t really fit into any one religion per se, and it’s a relief to meet someone else who feels the same way.

  • anenglishwomaninmumbai

    No one has a right to judge you. Advice is all good and well but should be given in a genuine and sensitive way and telling someone “I’m right and you are wrong” is not advice – that is judgement! Debate is fantastic – we can all learn from people’s opinions if we discuss in an adult and non judgmental way.
    The problem with so much of the commenting that occurs on many blogs is that it does not follow the unspoken rules of decency and fairness and is basically trolling. Now there are laws in place against such abusive behavior and while the internet has created a platform for such bullying it is also highlighting a need for people to be protected from it and making a point that such behavior should and will not be tolerated on of off screen.
    I worry about our children and the internet – school is bad enough for peer pressure and bullying and now there is a whole new sphere where they can face these problems. However, I feel things are changing for the better and by the time they are able to type I hope and pray the internet will be a nicer place.
    Bloggers like yourself should be saluted as role models who are standing up to internet bullying and bullshit trolling. You are an important part of the change – go girl! xxx

  • Rose

    Lauren you are right it is your choice, but what fits you might not fit others. I’m very sensitive to things and to
    My everyday reality so although I’m in a relationship with an Indian man but living in Australia, I would find it hard or
    Impossible to live long term in his home country and not for religion or little things like that it’s just more the privacy thing and the constantly being around people that would bother me. But you do you. And no one has a right to judge you. Not everyone is brave enough to do what you’re doing and it takes courage to let go of control and just enjoy and experience like you are doing and it’s a time in your life you will never forget.take care of u and yours. -Rose

  • Alexis Sunthwal

    Hello Lauren,

    When I read your post, it felt like you were writing it about me. I converted to Hinduism and want to live as a traditional Indian wife, but in America is is quite hard, especially because of my family. I am always being judged for celebrating Indian holidays and doing Hindu rituals. If I wear a Punjabi dress, I am always getting stared at, which makes me feel self-conscious, and always being told “don’t change who you are.” The reality is, when I met my husband, he opened me up into a whole new world. India is rich in culture and they value their religion. I embraced everything and welcome every aspect. I will always be wrong in the eyes of my family. I feel so guilty and awful because he came to America for me and my family judges him harshly. Hopefully within two years, we will move to India and I can celebrate Indian holidays the way they are supposed to be celebrated, with family that joins you, not judges you.

    Belated congratulations on baby Rohan. You have a beautiful family.

    Happy Dilwale!
    – Alexis Sunthwal

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Lovely to hear from you, Alexis! I’m sorry you’re being judged, it’s not fair and not right. It’s so brave of you to follow what feels right to you! I understand you completely.

      Best of luck on your move to India, prepare to learn more about yourself xox

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