How to Avoid Internet Love Scammers 148


When I fell in love with an Indian online, I was bombarded with ‘he only wants you for a British passport’, from various people in my life. It was only when I told them all that he was living and working in America, they shut up. It was our choice to move to India, anyway, that’s another story…

So many people are meeting their spouses online these days and it has become socially acceptable. If you are from a Western country and meet an Indian love online, people automatically think ‘he only wants a passport’. Why do people think this? Well, it’s a common phenomenon. Many see the Western world as a paradise, and they see their ticket to ‘paradise’ on Facebook/dating websites/chat rooms. There is also a common misconception in India, people think that everyone in the West is wealthy, so getting a Western spouse is literally like hitting the jackpot. Even now, obviously married, I get messages from Indian men proclaiming their love and wanting to marry me? Wah?

I have been in contact with women who were fooled by Indian men typing from an internet cafe, desperate for an American green card or a European passport or to have money wired into their bank accounts. It’s by no means only Indian men who do this, but because of the title of my blog, it’s the Indian’s I am told about. I have also had some of these scammers contact me themselves, ‘can you instruct me on the next step in getting a British wife, I want to live in the UK’. Gah! No!

There are many women and men who have fallen in love with an Indian online and have gone on to have genuine and happy marriages (hi!). I believe in love above all things, but there are people out there trying to fool us. I have shared many online love success stories with you, but I don’t want to fool anyone into thinking that every single online love affair has a happy ending or is genuine.

So, how to avoid those who care solely about your Nationality and your ability to improve their lives? Here are some tips…

1. ‘Random’ Facebook friend requests

It’s not always someone trying to ‘scam you’, but the chances are, if someone is going around adding ‘random’ people on Facebook, they have a motive. Plus, it’s probably not completely random, they may have a type of person in mind. I know of several couples who have married through ‘random’ Facebook friend requests, they were lucky. Just be vigilant, has your new ‘friend’ targeted you? Are they proclaiming their love immediately? Does it feel suspicious? Do they have a really low facebook friend count (this could show that this is a second account for targeting purposes)?

2. Skype Skype Skype

It’s easy to type lies, so much harder to speak them. If your new love doesn’t want to video chat, or says they don’t have a webcam, this should be a huge warning sign. Correct me if I am wrong, but don’t most laptops have inbuilt cameras now? If you do Skype and things don’t feel right, think about it. Does your love look a lot different on Skype than they did on their Facebook photos? Do you still feel that same connection after coming together ‘face to face’?

3. Rushing into things

I know I sound like a complete hypocrite by saying this, but don’t rush into things. If your love is asking you to send them money so they can buy a flight to come and meet you or if your love is insisting on setting a date for a legal marriage before you’ve even met, press the brakes. Are you suspicious of an ulterior motive? Do they only send you compliments on your looks and marriage proposals and never want to talk about personal or emotional matters?

4. If you come to India before you’ve met in person, try and get someone to come with you

I don’t think my mum would have let me go to India alone without meeting my husband first, luckily we met in London. In many cases the Westerner comes to India first. India, I love you, but your cities and airports can be very scary and dangerous places for foreigners! Try and get a travel companion, the added bonus is that they can meet your love too and report back about how lovely he or she is!

5. Culture shock

You have a different religion, race, culture, nationality, language, upbringing, diet and the list goes on. Sometimes these things are not a problem, sometimes these things cause huge conflict. Make sure that you are not going against any of your personal values to make the other person happy, relationships (especially intercultural ones) sometimes require compromises. These things might not be an issue whilst chatting online, but when the relationship becomes ‘offline’, things might change. Before you commit, talk about your values and talk about your beliefs. Talk about your goals in life and discuss the future. The culture shock might not be between you and your love, it might come later, once you meet their parents…

6. Indian parents

In India, many people are still very traditional. They want their children to marry someone within their caste, who has a good education and many Indian parents want to choose their child’s spouse themselves! Even if they accept a Westerner, then they might want to check if your astrology chart. Something which may seem trivial to a Westerner can be make or break a relationship for an Indian. I know of Indian men who have broken off engagements with Western women because the astrologer said they were not compatible.

Are you planning on moving to India? Will you be expected to live with you new in-laws? This is a very difficult thing to do, even for Indian’s who have grown up in the culture. The lack of space, lack of control and lack of privacy is really stressful, trust me, I know. Initially I thought it would be great but after a couple of months, it became really (really!) difficult.

7. Trust your gut

I am a firm believer that you cannot manufacture an immediate spiritual and mental connection. On the other hand, you can make someone fall in love with them by figuring them out and manipulating them, this usually happens over time. Some people feel suspicious at first but then fall so in love with the idea of being in love with an exotic person from an exotic land (which can easily be confused with being in love with the person themselves), they completely ignore any of those visceral feelings of ‘danger, danger, danger, flashy red lights’.

Love can blossom online, no doubt about it, but always be cautious. Do not ignore those small suspicions, don’t jump in headfirst. AND, if your online Indian love does turn into online disaster, don’t lose hope and don’t lose faith. Love, genuine love, can still be found. 

***

Any other tips? Have you met any of these tricksters? 


About Lauren Mokasdar

Lauren fell in love on the internet, took a one way flight from England, got married & started a new life & bicultural family in India. She writes about finding happiness & balance between two very different worlds, when her baby takes a nap.


Comment

148 thoughts on “How to Avoid Internet Love Scammers

  • JOHN

    India, as you know is very varied, diffirent communties have diffirent attitudes, my “community” Roman Catholic, seems to find Irish people acceptable and other “whites” not so much.
    Even an Indian girl living abroad is less preferable to an indian girl raised in India, Most people who come from financially secure backgrounds would not marry someone for the passport.

    Ps I am a British passport holder.

  • Pixie

    This is really good advice. I myself don’t have much experience with online dating. I met my boyfriend in person in India, and I did not trust him at all at first. It took me quite a while to warm up to him. Dating in India or dating someone who is very traditional is not in any way like dating in Western cultures. There’s really no concept of dating except maybe silly Bollywood romance, so I can’t expect my boyfriend to act like a Western guy in a relationship. At this point in time he has no interest in leaving his hometown (not wanting a Western country citizenship) and we both agree that marriage between us is a bad idea. No clue what the future holds for us!

  • pathbreakingwriter

    To be brutally honest, Indians are loaded with misconceptions. I say this being an Indian myself. I have been born and brought up here and I have seen thousands of people saying things they don’t know anything about. Pick up 10 guys randomly and tell them I am from USA or the UK and they assume you’re rich. They don’t have any clue about mortgage issues, unemployment issues or all the anti-government protests that goes around the world. Only those who have members abroad understand all this, rest are just living in their own dream world. In fact, I went on a chat room pretending as Jennifer from Sydney and I was bombarded by so many Indian guys all falling for me instantly. I actually managed to call one guy and meet me in his local city and he came with a rose. I was there, of course not as Jennifer, but as myself and laughed and went away. When I met my Sarah, people gave me the same nonsensical philosophies, but today they admire our pair. I also agree that online love can go horribly wrong, but you need to take a call on that. I am glad that you wrote something about this, because people should start realizing that there is more to love than meets the eye.

      • pathbreakingwriter

        Well, it turn out that guy whom I called was a friend of one of my friends. When I told him it was me, he was quite embarrassed and also furious because he waited for couple of hours at the railway station. You would be surprise to know that in one of my office my chat name was Katherine and this chef from Malta just wanted to date me. He actually flew from Malta to London (because the main branch of my firm was at Covent Garden, London) and he met my CEO asking for Katherine. I only came to know when my CEO called me from London saying I have a visitor. Isn’t that quite funny? All guys just falling for me. I guess I am a sweetheart 😉

        • Nicola

          Are you for real? Personally, I don’t think it’s funny to trick people like that for your own amusement, pretending to be a woman looking for a date when in fact you’re a man.

          • pathbreakingwriter

            Hi Nicola, Yes, I am for real. I don’t do that fun. I only did that to a friend of a friend who thought he can target any white girl and impress her. It was just a prank…so relax. I don’t go catfishing like Lauren mentioned. I have more constructive things on my schedule. 🙂 Take care.

          • pathbreakingwriter

            Lauren, my name was Katherine because that was the name that company provided me. Ask any international call center employee and they will tell you that all US and UK based companies here in India give them or allow them select American/UK screen names. In fact, when anybody calls us, the call is routed to India here in Mumbai, Pune, Bangalore wherever the call center is, but the number displayed on the other side is either US or UK based. Just to ensure the customers feel its a local helpline number. We are trained to speak in your accent so customers never know where we are located. This is how the entire business world works dear. You think I made a guy fall for me and tell him to fly to London? He got addicted to my false identity so what else can I do? Its my job to help him with his issues. I didn’t give him any hint that I love him or come and meet me, he just felt he should see me, he did. I cannot tell him I am a man sitting here in Mumbai pretending to be a woman – that would cost me my job.

          • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

            Ooooh! Isn’t that weird? You should ask for it to be changed. Why did they give you a female name, did they not know you were a man. I guess it is hard for non-Indians to know if an Indian name is male or female sometimes.

            What a strange company, I knew that many calls were routed to India (living in the UK, I have had many conversations with people in Mumbai and Bangalore haha) but didn’t know they changed people’s names!

          • pathbreakingwriter

            Well, it is widely believed that when an irate customer is talking to a female he might not use the same angry expression as compared to someone of his same gender. I was on a chat support so a customer can only see my name, not my face and no voice as well. As far as changing of the name is concerned, the company decides in most cases. Yes, there are companies that allow you to choose or pick your own screen names, but again that cannot be an Indian name. You can only choose a Christian name. So, I was Morris for Microsoft, Shane for AOL, Bora for FranklinCovey and Katherine for this UK firm.

          • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

            Oh that’s so sad that you can only use Christian names, but did you know that in the U.K. ‘Christian name’ is just another name for first name? So, maybe they mean that?

  • Magdalena Rogulska-Pai

    Great post. Good you wrote about this as it has become very big problem nowadays. Dating online with Indians now and before is completely different. Few years before mostly only educated-rich-upper class Indians had internet connections, so once you met someone online it was usually a good person. Now everone in India have a smartphone with internet. I get lots of messages and invitations from Indians who usually don’t even know english (not that I know it so great lol). These people have many aims to get white wife from western world, and love is definately not what they look for. I think it is much more dangerous to date online with Indians now than before. Girls and women from western world are unaware of many dangers. I was completely unaware and extremely naive but as we dated 8yrs back situation was different. But I admit I had more luck than wisdom with my indian boyfriend – now husband.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Thank you, Magdalena!
      Yes, everyone has a smartphone now (I know because young boys have been known to follow me around with theirs taking photographs!).
      I hope you guys are well! xxx

      P.S. Your English is great 😀

  • divya

    I’m a desi girl who was brought up in the Western world, and I’ve noticed, as well how so many Indians are disillusioned by the West. Aside from creepy men online looking for passports, so many Indian people in India have this wish to move to London or America. They’re willing to sacrifice the warmth of being in a close-knit family, in the spiritual capital of the world, which is generally( and i say generally because so much Western influence has changed the way India is being managed) ,surrounded by feelings of love and compassion…just for some financial stability.

    Now i know that this might sound hypocritical, but I do understand why some Indian couples want to leave India, for reasons like bombarding social pressure to perform at schools which is very encompassing.

    The difference is though, that some people leave India, loving India which is unlike these desperado’s who want nothing to do with the fact that they’re Indian (i.e passport, sometimes even they speak etc….

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Yes!
      There are ways to ‘get out of India’ like working hard and getting a job abroad, respect to them if that’s what they want! It’s a shame that some people just think they can use people and get the ‘easy way out’.
      *Sigh*
      xxx

  • Sarah Tulsani

    Lovely post. Especially the part where you advice to talk with each other. Not about the flowers in the grass and what you had for breakfast. But the more important things in life -what you want to achieve in live. If you want to have a career, children or both!
    Where are you going to live. Especially the combined family is a point of reconsideration. Many Indian (including my hubby) make it sound like it is the highest form of society available (Something like the Borg in Star Trek) – we don’t live in a combined family – I did put my fut down on this one. However, my experience shows that it takes lot of compromises of the youngest addition to the family. And it can result in a lot of friction if the willingness to compromise is not there.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Sarah!
      Yes, there are important things in life that need to be brought up otherwise you end up in a horrible situation!! Eeeakkk! Well done for putting your foot down by the way 😀 xxx

  • satyam7487

    I too want to move to west but its not because of the visa or image in mind that all western women are rich, i just want to get out of here and want to livr a separate life far awsy with my son and family, its suffocating here, my life is going on without any direction, its really very bad to me. I want to marry a western women and will be committed to her if something really works, i am single father

    • Nicola

      “I too want to move to the West but it’s not because of visa or image that all western women are rich” (you say here)

      On your YouTube video description you say:
      “I am looking for a bride from USA, UK, South Africa or any other country… I just want to move out of India… I am not much educated… if you are rich you can even purchase me, cause I’m unemployed also as I said and I want money also with love….”

      What woman could possibly resist? The path to true love starts right here! (Oh, if you have the same colour skin as him, you can forget it. He says he wants a white woman who will wear a sari.)

    • Crystal (My Hindi Heart)

      Yikes, Satyam. Really?
      I get that we all have our own preferences… But you can’t expect a Western woman to come along sponsor you, or support you… I get that your life is difficult, but just because we are Western, doesn’t mean we are equipped to clean up that kind of mess. Our lives are difficult too.
      Most of us are average, not very wealthy, with big dreams and aspirations.

      I believe true love will find you some day, but advertising yourself as “Looking for a bride from USA, UK, South Africa…” is not tasteful. And you contradict yourself by saying, “If you are rich, you can even purchase me, cause I’m unemployed…and I want money also with love.” and “I too want to move to the West, but it’s not because of visa or image that all Western women are rich.”

      • satyam7487

        Thank you crystal and nicola for replying back and i am aware and know things arr same out there like here it is, i know most girls are average, not wealthy and have their problems, also i am not a mess, i too am an average guy, i am real and my search is real, i made that video so that genuine white women can know how much i genuinely love them, i mean i really loveyou alland never back off from commitment and marriage to you.

        • Nicola

          “I made that video so that genuine white women can know how much I genuinely love them, I mean I really love you all….”

          …..Oh, to be that special ‘one’… or should I say that special “anyone”…. as he genuinely loves ALL of us, as long as we are white and can bring Satyam and his family to the UK, USA, Australia or South Africa… and will wear a sari.

          And what does that special anyone get in return?
          In his video description he says he is 5’ 6”, not very good looking, very depressed, not educated and is unemployed. But he will “never back off from commitment and marriage to you”. Of course not, because you will be providing for him and his family a lifestyle that he could never provide for himself.

          ….Sigh… It makes you feel all soft and romantic just thinking about it, doesn’t it? It’s what every woman wants…

    • madhmama

      @satyam
      If you want to get out of there, why don’t you move cities! Seriously how egocentric can you be?????? “I WANT I WANT I WANT” as if a woman is a freaking ice cream in a convenience store! Why don’t you spend time with your son, get a job, and work on yourself so you are a suitable mate for someone. Take yourself out of your own place – you don’t need a Western woman to do that.
      P.S. you are offensive and predatory. You’re welcome.

      • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

        Alexandra is right!
        If you want to ‘get out of India’ you should try and get yourself a job, not just ‘freeload’ off of a woman. Satyam, your story is sad but please don’t use it to use people!

  • Crystal (My Hindi Heart)

    What’s worse, is even when the guy is genuine, and your love is genuine – and he leaves you because his parents don’t approve. That’s sad, but it happens so much. All of this is such a sad reality.
    And yes, I can’t count how many times people would tell me: “Be careful, he probably just wants you for your passport.”

    • Satyam

      Crystal, you are sadly correct. Just look at the guy above. The problem is this nation lost its national pride due to years of selfish politics.The damage is done. I remember my grandfather telling me how selfless and principled people where back in his day, when the sentiments of freedom struggle were still fresh. I see that love returning in our generation. But it will still take several more years and prosperity before our country can raise its head proudly again.

      • Crystal (My Hindi Heart)

        Thanks Warcraft Satyam! India is on the rise, I know – in many ways! ♥
        I was awoken by a stampede of children, the other day, who were marching down the streets chanting phrases about “Keeping India clean is keeping India civilized!” It made me feel so good!

        Domestic abuse, crimes against women and crimes of passion are being fought against every day! The changes are hard to see when all you do is look for the bad in India, but if you care enough to see what is changing, you’ll see that the change is abundant.

        Politics have been crazy worldwide, but I think Narendra Modi is doing good, at least with his clean India campaign. I don’t really pay attention to politics, but I do believe that if you have time to point out flaws – you have time to help change them or make a difference.
        Healing is in progress. 🙂

        You are awesome! Thanks for your reply!

  • Dasi

    I’ve been contacted by weirdos online a few times some Indian some not. But my older brother met his Russian wife online so I know it can work. Russian women have the same stigma and Indians. ‘They’re only out for a visa/passport’ and some are.

  • Shubham

    Please do me a favour & remove the word Indian from this post. What ever you’ve written,it may be true but not all the Indians are same. And as far as ticket to Paradise is concerned many western companies are paying millions of rupees to us & begging us to work there.So the westerners should leave their misconceptions that Indian men use western girls for passport.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Shubham,
      No where in this post does it say that all Indian’s are like this. For example, I married an Indian I met online and have been sharing similar success stories for the past couple of weeks. But in India there are a group of people trying to do this, that is a fact, but it’s only a group. Not all Indians.

      I really respect those who work hard and work abroad! That is the way to travel, not try and get a passport by fooling someone (which happens a lot, sadly)

      Take care.

  • Satyam

    I had an Australian friend with whom I used to play world of warcraft. She was a very nice person. However she apparently had had some unpleasant encounters with such anti-social Indian elements on the net and had made up a prejudice about indians being ‘bhukka’ scams and cheats. One day she started talking something about India which I was not comfortable with as I am very patriotic.I told her leave the topic and lets just play warcraft. She asked me did I want to work in the west lol.
    I told her I had a construction business and made much more than they could ever hope for in a lifetime (hey, I was angry and hurt). Things got out of hand and we never chatted again. Which stinks as I really needed a lvl 90 party member -_- If you play world of warcraft please let me know as the only other person who logs in during my time is my sister and she is lvl 7 -_-
    lol 😛 My point is that our nation is VAST and you meet all types of people here. This is not helped by the fact that we are a developing nation still trying to recover from poverty and other ills (lets hope the new government delivers, I really have hopes up on them). I too advice my non-Indian friends to be very careful when in India, but that doesn’t mean everyone here is a greedy demon-goblin creature. Give this nation time, it’ll find its lost glory.

    P.S This is why I restrict myself to commenting on your other posts like dogs and monkey-poop 😛
    P.P.S Did you participate in the ‘Clean India’ plan? I cleaned around the compound of my house and in the community 😀

      • satyam7487

        Whats going on here, why you guys are acting so differently to me, maybe my wayr of reaching out to genuine girls out there was wrong or seem offensive, i apolozise for that, but i am a genuine and real person

        • Nicola

          You have said elsewhere (your own comment on one of your YouTube videos) that you want to move to the USA to become rich. And you say you love white American women and want to marry one. In other words, you have decided that you will try and marry someone because of what you think you can gain from them, and you will talk the language of love to persuade them to marry you. People don’t like that kind of attitude. THAT is why you are getting a negative reaction.

          A word of advice…. the very few people who do become rich from going to America are people such as highly qualified computer scientists (who are headhunted for jobs in Silicon Valley) and who have already proved their worth in their home country, and have something unique to offer. You say that you are not very educated, have a history of unemployment, that your life lacks any direction… and you have been focusing your efforts on trying to get a Western woman to marry you as the answer to your problems. Listen up! You are not someone who is going to get rich in America, believe me. Your dream of becoming rich in America is about as realistic as me, who is just an average looking person, thinking that I could become a top model and actress if only I could move to America. It ain’t gonna happen!

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Satyam (the one who I refer to as, warcraft Satyam),
      It is such a shame that this happened, I hope you can find a new buddy soon on the same level, sorry I don’t know of anyone! It is really sad that these people exist who give Indian’s a bad name. Whilst I would love to only write about the ‘goodies’ these darker sides need to be raised.

      I hope you are well!
      Take care,

      Lauren

      • Satyam

        Ya i know, you should start some sort of membership to your site so that these creeps don’t manage to comment here or contact anyone. Felt very ashamed as an Indian when I saw this guy’s comments, more so when I realized he has stolen my beautiful name -_-
        BTW, Happy Birthday! I have replied below for more details 😛

        • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

          Oh dear, I know it is very annoying.
          I don’t think he will be able to poach anyone from here because most will have already have an Indian spouse and/or have the sense to see why he wants a ‘Western woman’! I feel sorry for him and hope he realises what he is doing is wrong! I also hope he learns the definition of ‘genuine love’.

          Take care and thank you for the birthday wishes 😀

          Lauren!

          • Nicola

            I think the reason that Satyam (the creepy one, not the nice one) WON’T find a woman is that no-one could accuse him of false advertising!! He couldn’t have done a worse marketing job of himself if he tried!
            ….Check out his videos. The self-pitying titles are classics: “Ugliest Guy in India No Women Wants to Love or Marry Me?” and “No Women to Love Me because I Am Poor” are two of the best. He doesn’t say anything in the videos, he justs sets the camera rolling and then strikes a pose, as if he were showcasing himself for a modeling job. And he’s no Shahrukh Khan!
            The fact, also, that on his channel he has subscribed to a channel that provides mobile phone numbers for married Indian women who want to meet up with men for casual sex is hardly likely to endear him to anyone.
            The fact that he is poor and widowed with a child is not his problem. It is his character and his intentions that is his problem.

          • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

            I am about to get to his latest comment where he says ‘any woman will do, as long as she is white’!!! I am outraged by his behaviour! Don’t get me started on the casual sex!

          • Nicola

            It’s farcical isn’t it? If you had created a character like Satyam in a work of fiction, critics would say that it lacked credibility because no-one is that blatant and shameless in real life!

  • JOHN

    I think everyone is giving Satyam a hard time. Yes I saw his video and other stuff and it does sound bad. But one thing all you “white girls/ladies” must remember is that when you marry into an Indian family, which is not living hand to mouth, although the guy may accept you totally you can rest assured that some members of his family will be thinking she is after his money.

    • satyam7487

      Nicola its not good to make fun of others, i never said she should sponsor my family to her country or any condition that she must wear a sari, i meant to say if something seriously works out between a western women and me i will surely marry her just she has to accept my son also.

      • Nicola

        Satyam,
        Perhaps you have forgotten what you wrote in the notes for your video ‘Indian man looking for “American bride”/ foreign wife’. Let me remind you:

        “…any American women also looking to sponsor me is more than welcome” (if you were just talking about sponsorship as an employee, why stipulate American women)…
        “….I love white American women and UK women a lot. If you are rich you can even purchase me cause I am unemployed and I want money also with love”

        “….I am looking for a bride from USA, UK, South Africa etc. or any foreign country who loves to wear Indian sari…”

        So there you have it. Sponsorship and sari. In your very own words.

        As a rule, I would say that it is not good to make fun of others… but your approach is offensive, and your expectations are ludicrous, so I think you are asking for it. Your videos (there are several) on YouTube provoked negative responses from other Indian men, who said that your approach to women was “disgusting”, that you should try and provide for yourself with a small business or something as opposed to trying to get a white woman to provide for you and your family by trying to gain their sympathy, and that you made them feel ashamed to be Indian. They responded with anger, I responded with humour…

        You have said that you want to get out of India, and you are looking for a woman who will make that possible for you, because you can’t do it for yourself. That’s not called loving someone, it’s called using them. And no-one wants to be used.

    • Nicola

      When a man writes about “genuine love”, and makes it quite clear that he wants a white Western woman specifically because of what he can get from her, it’s not surprising that people give him a hard time.

  • Amanda McMahon

    It is so much more difficult now than it was a decade plus ago. Back then it was odd to meet online. Slightly dangerous but now there are organized crime rings surrounding meeting online! Be safe ladies (and gentlemen).

  • Anshuman Mishra

    I have seen it happen right in my office. A colleague of mine who was 25 years old, young and tech savvy married a 55 year old american lady who came to impart process training to us. That lady;s eldest son was 2 years younger to my colleague. What brewed between them only they know better but a common knowledge was that the boy was obsessed with america and desperate to go there.

  • madhmama

    Great post Lauren. I got the same thing with my hubby, at the time we were studying in the USA and people said “he was only with me for a green card” (I was also an international student so even I didn’t have a green card!) It is so weird when people say stuff like that. It’s like nobody questions us if we are in it for a PIO! LOL

  • The Accuser

    Our Most Kind Hostess,

    You do realize that this post bears an eery resemblance to a review for commercial goods and services, don’t you?

    With minimal changes I can adapt this post for an critique of eBay.

    Let’s see…

    “Indian Online Love: Avoid Disaster”
    can be changed to
    “eBay Online Purchase: Avoid Disaster”

    “When I fell in love with an Indian online, I was bombarded with ‘he only wants you for a British passport’, from various people in my life. It was only when I told them all that he was living and working in America, they shut up. It was our choice to move to India, anyway, that’s another story…”

    changes to

    “When I bought my new iPhone online from eBay, I was bombarded with ‘the only want the sales agreement’, from various people in my life. It was only when I told them all that eBay has been providing me with excellent delivery and after sales service, they shut up. It was our choice to move to Amazon, anyway, that’s another story…”

    I could go on and on with this; I could even make a parody site out of this stuff.

    I see a lot of white women, nowadays, who advertise their relationship with Indian men, giving out valuable reviews, walkthroughs, demos,

    Perhaps, it’s because of the shock value, like Lady Gaga’s on-stage antics. I brings fame and, for some, even fortune.

    Indian men being the least desirable of them all (see here http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/), give these women all the gossip they ever wanted to hear about themselves. For many it’s a dream come true, to be the talk of the town.

    Needless to say, most of these marriages end in failure as soon as the limelight ends. (see here http://scienceblogs.com/gnxp/2010/03/06/interracial-divorce-the-matrix/)

    P.S. I am sure I’ll sound like some evil troll, but I assure you, I am not.

    P.P.S. You may refuse to publish because of my offensiveness, but that does not mean that the truth becomes a lie.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Dear The Accuser (if that is your real name…)

      I don’t really find it offensive because I think your edited version with the eBay and Amazon doesn’t actually make sense, nope, just reread it and it doesn’t make any sense. Thank you for all of your references.

      Take care,

      Lady Gaga… opps sorry, Lauren

      • Nicola

        Hi Lauren, My comment above was meant for The Accuser, and I wrote it before your reply appeared on screen. After I pressed ‘Post Comment’, your comment was there. Thought I’d better explain, just in case anyone thought I was accusing YOU of being nasty! :/

          • Nicola

            I got the analogy, but at first I thought, how is this relevant, this guy (I’m sure it’s a guy) is just showing off…. until I got to the bit where he said he could develop an entire parody site out of your material, and I thought ‘That’s not nice’. Then when the derogatory comments followed about women who have blogs such as yours (seeking the limelight, trading on shock value etc..) I just thought uggghhh, crawl back under your stone.
            Sure, some people do create blogs and vlogs as a way of satisfying their ego and gaining attention… but anyone who has followed your blog can see that that is so not what you are about. If The Accuser wants to make accusations like that he should take it to somewhere where it’s applicable.
            …I liked the way you kicked him into touch, though! 😉

          • Nicola

            Ps. Basically, The Accuser was taking the mick, and saying that you present a packaged version of your relationship as a commercial product to promote on line. He used an analogy in order to say, “Look, the writing follows an exact formula… she could be promoting virtually anything”. He was going all out to be insulting. (Maybe his girlfriend left him for an Indian guy, and this is how he vents his impotent rage.) 😉

    • madhmama

      @accuser bwahaaaaaaa that is absolutely hilarious. I have been in an intercultural partnership for the past decade and while we have ridden through the storms, many couples (of the same race) have gotten divorced over absolutely petty things. You talk about “limelight” as if we are in it for attention. It is called love. It is called destiny and soul mates. Not that you or any other rookie would understand that.
      Why has our marriage lasted? Because we had to fight for it from the very beginning.
      I’m going to remember this comment and smile to myself at my 60th wedding anniversary. 😀

      • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

        It’s the trolls who are in it for the attention!!!
        Living in India (I can tell from his IP address) he must not have met many (if any) white women!!

        I hope you, your happy marriage and beautiful child are well <3 xxx

    • Crystal

      FYI Accuser, you can change any text to sound like anything else. That is ABSOLUTELY OBNOXIOUS. Your entire argument is invalid.
      Furthermore, this isn’t a vanity blog, it’s a love story that chronicles Lauren’s adventures in her relationship and in India.
      You are a troll.

  • JOHN

    To all you ladies settled in third world countries, why are you and your husband/boyfriend still here. As I have said before not everyone wants a western passport, maybe its easy for me to say that as I have had one for over twenty five years.

    Do any of your husbands have any interest in going abroad?

    Ps Happy Belated Birthday Lauren.

  • The Accuser

    Nicola, It took you 2+ hours to figure this out!!! Anyways, here are a few pathetic cases:

    #1. Shock value seeker – White woman marries her dog (http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/woman-marries-dog-totally-b-h-article-1.1717772)

    #2. Shock value seeker – White woman, well, see for yourself (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1365817/Woman-authors-politically-incorrect-book-race-lovers-set-cause-storm.html)

    #3. Limelight fades – White woman feels alienated from her mongrelized offspring (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-467787/I-love-mixed-race-baby–does-feel-alien.html)

    Strange are the ways of a degenerate world.

    • Nicola

      The Accuser,
      Sorry, no time to converse further right now. Just got engaged to a cat (that’s how us white women roll)… and am busy trying to arrange an interview on TV for my 5-minutes of fame.

        • Nicola

          Lauren,
          Bigamy and incest? What’s wrong with that?! Honestly, Lauren, call yourself a white woman? You’re letting the side down with your ethical objections. You need to stop reading the Bhagavad Gita and The Bible, and start watching the Jeremy Kyle Show for some life lessons on how to conduct yourself in a manner befitting your gender and colour!
          Good job you’re coming back to the UK for Christmas for a bit of culltural re-assimilation. Sounds like you’ve been away from the “degenerate world” too long.

  • hungrydai

    A good blog, Lauren and spot on with everything. The vast majority of relationships between British and Nepalese here have hidden immigration motives. I know personally of many. And then there are the genuine ones that have a hard time because of all the fakes.

  • satyam7487

    Russian, uk, american, south africa any women will do from any country, just she got to be white and really commited towards true love and marriage, add on Whatsapp chandraprakash- *********

    [PHONE NUMBER REMOVED BY ADMIN]

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      This is disgraceful now! ‘any woman will do… just she got to be white’. Extremely offensive and misogynistic. It seems to me that you do not see women are people but as commodities. You say you will marry any white woman, yet you meet up with married Indian women for casual sex?

      You plead to the other commenters not to judge you, but you have put very offensive things all over facebook and youtube. I know you have had a sad life, and I am sorry but you need to put your efforts in making your life better for you and your son by working hard NOT by trying to pick up any white woman who will give you money and a Western passport (and yes, this is what you are looking for because you have clearly stated this elsewhere). Can you not see how degrading your attitude is????

      • Nicola

        Oh shame, you’ve removed his phone number. Just think of all those potential true love stories you have blocked before they even had a chance to blossom…. Who knows, maybe Katherine of Jennifer, courtesy of pathbreakingwriter, would have followed it up…

  • Ramesh

    Dear Mr. Satyam7487 / Chandraprakash Tripathi, after much thought, I have finally decided to come over to your side. Yes, you have posted misogynistic statements, you have created atleast 10 Facebook groups ( with only 1 member each, that being yourself) asking ‘White Women’ to get in touch with you,you have publicly proclaimed to kiss Torrie Wilson’s abs and your desire to make love to her, you love how ‘White’ & ‘Beautiful’ Lauren is, but you have NEVER made a threaning statement to them, or said ‘Bad’ words. That definitely indicates how good a guy you are. Of course, you contradict yourself with Divorce vs Wife Died story, but that is such a minor thing !

    I think it is high time White Western Women made a ‘Q’ to marry you. My suggestion is please create a new petition on Change.org, which is a well respected site. You are my Hero sir, for the way you held the flag high for Indian men !!

    • Nicola

      …..”MrSatyam7487″, eh? Couldn’t resist a google, expecting a laugh at his expense… and what a revelation that Internet journey proved to be…
      He’s posted himself all over the place, with an up-to-date page entitled “Looking for my other half/my soulmate” (on which he says he has “never married” and “I have no kids”), as well as putting his contact details on a page entitled “Secret Group Sex in Mumbai”.
      On a chat forum he declares: “Western girls are not good for long term commitment and to make them wife, I guarantee they can never be loyal because they are addicted to sex”. (But of course he wants to marry one… as his passport out of India.)

    • Nicola

      You should know. You wrote that stuff.
      One thing I found particularly disturbing is that on the page “Secret Group Sex in Mumbai”, to which you have added your contact details, the familiar icon of yourself with your child in your arms appears. No child’s photo belongs in a place like that. Your actions put him at risk from paedophiles who trawl those sorts of websites, and then try to forge a link with the parent in order to gain access to the child.

      • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

        Satyam, I think it’s best if you go through your accounts and remove some of the things highlighted. I guess you have seen the power of search engines at work. Everything you type online is traceable so remember to think before you type!

    • Nicola

      ….And it gets worse… just seen a Flickr page created by Satyam7487 entitled “Cute Indian kid up for adoption” with a picture of his son.

  • Nicola

    ….No wonder Satyam’s in-laws did all they could to keep the child from living with him after his wife died. (It’s all detailed on line. Copies of legal documents, the lot.) ***. One of Satyam’s stated requirements of his hoped for white Western wife (although he detests white Western women, believing them to be whores) is that she knows how to behave as “an ideal wife”. Chilling, isn’t it?

    [***DETAIL REMOVED BY ADMIN]

    • JOHN

      Its very common for the wife to go and stay at her house during her pregnancy, especially the first one. It involves a lot of gift giving etc. Its not something I can explain in just a couple of sentences.

      Once again I urge you all to stop hounding Sataym (although I disagree with his views). Its easy to kick someone when they are down.

      • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

        Satyam’s motives for marrying a Western woman are transparent. Seems to me that he has a fantasy about Western women, he thinks we are whores yet wants to marry one so he can leave India and live in the West. The use of his child is not only putting his child in danger but a sign of his shamelessness.

        I have had to remove images of his child from my blog’s facebook page which held the caption ‘cute Indian boy needs a mother’, it’s a form of child abuse in my eyes. Saytam thinks that he can say that he loves all Western women in one breath and call us whores/sex addicts in the next breath (but hey, maybe that’s what he loves?).

        It’s all very disturbing. I hope that he can see how bad his behaviour has been and remove his childs image from the sex websites. The fact that he says ‘I just want to feel one’ is extremely disturbing as this could lead to a tragic event (one being a white woman, the fact he refers to us as things is scary). I hope that he can change his attitude, get some help for his mental issues and finds his own happiness one day. I think his quest on finding a ‘rich and white woman’ to ‘purchase’ him will be unsuccessful, simply because his motives are so transparent.

        So, Satyam is from now on banned from posting on this blog and it’s facebook page. No further comments needed regarding him and his online activity.

        • divya

          wise choice 🙂
          in my opinion, he over stepped his mark ages ago, so he deserves it!
          only nice people, with good motives are allowed on here 😉

        • Satyam

          My god I return after two days to find you people still entertaining this guy. Block him already Lauren there are millions of desperate pricks like him. His type are the reason Indians are discriminated against.

      • The Accuser

        With the destruction of Whites, the light of civilization will go out.

        Left to their own devices, interracial hybrids are incapable of sustaining any forms of civilization.

        As the mestizos, mulattos and “Anglo-Indians” have amply shown, bereft of White tutelage, they rapidly revert back to their Third World stock, destroying everything that the White man built.

        But if the White man is to tutor the Third World in even basic civilization, he must be biologically and culturally alive.

        Race-mixing is destroying that.

        P.S. You look at a Scandinavian and some Australian aboriginal, and come to conclusion that these two are members of the same subspecies?!?!?!

        You ought to have your head examined.

  • DB

    That was really interesting. Never thought I will read the whole thing but all those comments kept me reading. I sincerely appreciate your resilient attitude and adapting the indian culture. I was keen on finding some haters and racists here but could only find an opportunist ( you- know- who ) . I strongly believe that respect and appreciation for other cultures make you a better person and a better world………………………………………
    keep up the good work

  • Balaji

    A love is all about loosing to win!! U dont need logic and reasoning to fall in love but again u need to be commited to marriage until the life ends thats the Indian way!! My best wishes !! Btw Satyam needs a psychology treatment from a mental hospital or consider him a comedian, because he doesnt look serious to me and you guys dont waste time on him !!!

  • Balaji

    And I would like to add, there is nothing like sweet home so most Indians prefer to stay in India be it good or bad times and yes we do travel for business abroad but we cannot forget people with whom we grow up with!! And for gods sake I have said no for my US h1bs till date as I dont need to loose my people for western money or luxury!! Please don’t stereotype us that Indians marry westerners only for passports!!!

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Yes, my husband is one of them who studied abroad but came back to India, unfortunately there are some who think that ‘foreign’ will give them a care free life. It’s obviously not a stereotype, it’s a minority but it does happen and should be spoke about.

      I hope you are well 😀 Take care

  • Illogical DC

    For the people who thought/think “he only wants you for a British passport”:
    If we are talking about honor of a country’s citizen, we can discuss that after your country returning Our Kohinoor.

    Lastly, Have an long and happy married life Lauren Mokasdar.

    Jai Hind

  • Victoria

    What you mention about Culture shock and Indian parents is so true!!. Im glad to read there are successful stories about western/Indians couples. Unfortunately it does not happen in all relationships. I met this Indian guy.. We fell in love and after almost 2 years together we realize that love is not enough….. I wish he were looking for a passport, so I could have a reason to leaving him rather than our cultural differences. So, I agree there might be Indians seeing in western woman the way to get a passport, but does not mean all of them are same.
    Thanks for sharing your journey and hope you keep having a happy married life 🙂

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Victoria,

      Lovely to hear from you! I am sorry your relationship didn’t work out, sometimes the cultural differences can be too much. I hope you can find the right life partner when the time is right for you :).

      Take care and thank you so much for reading xx

  • maria

    I met a young man 1 year and 7months but relationship has not move on. Just chatting on whats up and no phone calls. I’m planning to go to India in October this year but I’m getting cold feet in meeting him.

  • Charie

    Thanks for writing this. I met an Indian man from Tamil Nadu. I met him through a dating site. With in days of our exchange he asked me for money to fund a charity he was running. It was harrowing. He then tried to scare me by telling me how dangerous India was for people of African descent.

  • Sulakshana

    Hi Lauren,

    That is some really sound advice. And apt not only for intercontinental relationships but for any kind of online relationships. And these points are relevant for Indians belonging to different communities. I’m an Indian girl brought up in east India, did my post graduation in central India (where I came across north Indians) and am now residing in west India (which has a completely different culture). And every time I’ve had my bit of cultural shock.

    For all Westerners, I would like to add that your experience of Indian culture and life would different depending on the Indians you are interacting with. There are some communities where caste and religion matters a lot whereas there are other communities where education, career and culture and refinement matters. It is true that there are a lot of Indians who look at the west as their ticket for success and have a lot of misconceptions about the west. But such people generally come from small cities or else don’t have much exposure to the world around them. These would be people who wouldn’t know much about world news, art, culture of any other country, let alone of the different Indian states.

    There are a lot of Indians who are well educated, well travelled, cultured and open minded who don’t mind going to any corner of the world if it offers a better career opportunity and also don’t mind compromising on that career a bit and remaining in India if it means taking care of old parents.

    Wish you a very happy life and hope you remain in love with India and get to see it’s many facets.

    Sulakshana

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Thank you so much for your comment and valuable observations, Sulakshana!
      That is something I love about India, it’s so diverse, so many different people! You can never feel you have experienced it all, India will always surprise you in some way!

      Hoping you are well and having a fabulous new year!

      Take care, lots of love xx

  • hcruz13

    Hi Lauren! I also got the whole “He only wants you for a green card to get into America” the first year I dated my fiance long distance. I even got it from my friends who trusted my ability to judge people and their motives! I have sadly, also experienced the falsehood all people in the west are rich from my future in-laws. They assumed because I had a horse I was some rich American, when I was barely holding onto my horse during that time period when I went to see my fiance the first time. Thankfully, I still have my horse and my fiance and I are applying for his visa, over two years later and another visit!