Not Pregnant after 1 Year of Marriage? 94

In my experience, once you have celebrated your first marriage anniversary, people start demanding to know when you are having a baby. It must be quite common because it’s not only me who has been constantly questioned and told that they should be pregnant by now. I am certain that couples are quizzed about their plans for a family all over the world, but it was such a huge surprise to me that as soon as our first anniversary rolled past us, it was like a switch went off, people started to asking me when my baby is coming, constantly.

I have been told it is one of the many traditions of India, after one year of marriage you should conceive.

One family friend told me that everyone is asking us because they are all “too excited” to see a “foreigner baby”. I am not exaggerating, shopkeepers and people I have never met before start swinging their arms in a cradle like motion with huge grins on their faces. I just reply with a smile.

Of course, I also have an online presence so I am getting even bolder inquires online. I’ve had a man wanting to know whether or not my husband and I are using “family planning methodology” because we don’t have any children yet. Even last week, another man commented on a post where I was discussing speaking Marathi with simply, “Why no babies yet? Is everything ok?”. How intrusive and insensitive is that?

There has been daily questions and even some tears from the eldest members of my Indian family, desperately hoping for a new family member next festival season. I know it’s not only India where the conception pressure dwells, my Grandmother in England has also been expressing her fears of passing before seeing a great-grandchild in her arms.

Don’t panic everyone, we do want babies, but it’s a personal matter.

I find the constant questions quite frustrating but I cannot imagine how this pressure feels for the couples who are not ready to be parents or simply do not have the desire to have children. Couples not only have to deal with their own distress and grief, but the pressure and demands from family and the society at large. 

People the world over feel it’s okay to ask a couple when they are planning to start a family, but we must remember that having a baby is not a topic everyone wants to discuss openly and people have the right to privacy. We just don’t know who has been struggling to conceive, just been given a devastating diagnosis or recently experienced a heartbreaking loss. I am certain the last thing these couples need are people nagging them to start their family, even when they mean well and are just excited, deciding to have children should be a personal and private decision between two people.


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About Lauren Mokasdar

Lauren fell in love on the internet, took a one way flight from England, got married & started a new life & bicultural family in India. She writes about finding happiness & balance between two very different worlds, when her baby takes a nap.

94 thoughts on “Not Pregnant after 1 Year of Marriage?

  • Preeti

    Thank for that the post.. I been married for 3 three and being Indian from England now living in Singapore my husband family doesn’t understand why we haven’t had any children yet. Some even said such thing like I had 2 children in 3 years. It’s so frustrating and it’s our discussion when or if we want to have children. I love reading your post it give me comfort since am living away from home and your positive views in life is very inspiring. Thank you and keep up with the blog

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Thank you so much for your kind comment, Preeti!
      I am so sorry you have been dealing with the frustration!
      I hope you can visit England soon!! Lots of love xx

  • Foreign Indian Wife

    This topic is so important, and I’m really glad you spoke about it. I understand there are a lot of well-meaning people who want to be excited for you, but it’s just such a personal topic.
    Hopefully one day, everyone, especially family, will become more sensitive to such personal topics.

  • Foreign Indian Wife

    Moreover, some people want to wait until they are in a better financial standing in life. You never know, you know? But people seem to jump to the worst conclusions, when they should just respect the couple’s privacy.

    • garga sarkar

      Nothing will happen.Not every indian thinks in a sexist way like you do,certainly not laurens family.I dont understand why do you foreighners always behave like you have a higher moral ground than us regarding feminism and gender equality.dont forget about joan of arch.Dont forget about all those girls numbering in thousands who saves money to buy a breast or hip augmentation programmes just to be an object of desire of men.who teaches them to hate their body? Isnt it the so called highly moral western society?
      Dont judge the whole society by the action of a few.we are trying to change and we will change and your snub does not help the cause.

      • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

        Um, Garga…
        Ksenia is talking about her personal experience after living in India for many years and having three beautiful children.
        I struggle to find how you see her comment as sexist, she is talking from her personal experience. Please read the other comments on this post and you will see that both Indian and Western women who live in India have been told they should have boys. Sadly, many people still think this way. As you are a man, you probably have never been put under this pressure.

        I wonder why you try and slander Western society and attack Ksenia in this way. If you go to any medical place in India, there will be posters saying that gender determination is illegal, and that is because of the sad problem that India has.

        Please do not attack anyone on my blog, I do not appreciate it at all.

        • garga sarkar

          I just wanted to say that every indian is not sexist . If someone discriminates somebody entirely on the basis of sex then that individual person is bad not the entire society. If any body is hurt anyway by my comment then i am apologizing to that person sincerely.

        • friend


          I think speculating about the future preferences of your in laws regarding the gender of their grandchild is offensive because we hardly know them.

          • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

            That would have been offensive, but that is NOT what Ksenia said. My post was not focused on my in-laws, it was focused on what everyone around me has been saying. If you read Ksenia’s replies to Cynthia’s comment, you will she even she was under no pressure from her in-laws, it was those around her.

          • Ksenia Kletkina

            Wow, I didnt know I created such a stir here with my comment. Yes, like Laurean said, I said nothing about her in-laws – neither is her whole post related to her in-laws, it is more about people around. ANd since she stays in a smaller place in India, if she gets a girl first, I am almost 100% sure she will get these comments and looks from people around. Not that it should bother us but as she also said – after 100 times, it does start to bother:) ANd when you have your beautiful tiny baby girl in your hands, then these pityful looks do make your feel irritated and hurt because your baby is your happiness regardless of the sex.
            My inlaws never even talked about wanting a grandson, they love their granddaughters dearly. In fact, I didnt even face these questions after 1 year of marriage and happily had my first child after 3 years. Even my sister in law had her first child after 3 years of marriage and now has 2 beautiful daughters and nobody in the family asks her to try having a boy:)

  • rvpreeti

    we are also asked the same question, but since we are older , they assume we already have our kids somewhere. When I tell them we have no kids…..they start shaking their heads in sympathy or some even have pitying looks. Some start giving advises on adoption or surrogacy. My husband and me have no problems not having kids and this has got to the point that it is not funny anymore. So just to stop all this we give nosy strangers answers like “oh my son is working in the US”…and each time we get more inventive with the answer. It may be a fib,but it saves us from all the sympathetic nodding and advises.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Preeti,
      I would find myself doing the same, a small fib can save so much frustration. I know it’s not completely the same but I have had the same sympathies and head shaking when I tell people that I have 4 sisters! It’s so strange!

      I hope you and your husband are well! Take caree! <3

  • Monica

    That must be stressful to be going through that… Especially since it sounds like people who don’t even really know you are digging around in your personal life. I think it just goes to show that women are not given the same amount of respect as men, and we are expected to constantly talk about our bodies and our personal lives… Keep your head up!

    Also, I nominated you for an award! Check it out here:

  • Antonina

    Hearing baby related questions from strange men is especially puzzling. I remember I was walking in the park with my youngest baby when a man approached me and said: “I’ve already seen you with such a little baby and it was a few years back. It can’t be the same one, right? Haven’t seen you pregnant though”.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      I hear you, Antonina!
      It’s so strange that men want to ask some of the most personal questions *sigh*, I would have predicted it to be only aunties xx

  • Tracy Patil

    I hoped you would discuss this Lauren, I was appalled when I saw those messages. I can’t stand comments about people’s reproductive choices. Drives me mad. I’m afraid to say that it is rude and insensitive and should stop. I believe women bear the brunt of this. When I had my daughter it didn’t stop either, don’t you want a boy? They would say, you shouldn’t have an only child you are selfish, on and on. Luckily I’m quite good at sticking up for myself!! Actually I was quite rude in the end. I feel for people that are not good at a quick comeback or are more polite than I am ! I never ask anyone questions about it. Think up some quick and sharp answers ladies because it doesn’t stop for years, you never get it right unless you have one boy, one girl it seems that is the most satisfactory…. Aaahhhhh

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Thank you sooo much for your support, Tracy!
      Oh that’s so terrible, and other commented have expressed similar experiences! I think when it gets too much, we have to be a little rude just to make it stop. I am the type of person who thinks of a clever comeback hours later and just end up smiling.
      I hope you are all good and the wedding preps are going well!
      Lots of love xx

  • Laura

    This same happens in Nepal. I am a Finn and my husband is Nepali. I was really young when we got married so I didn’t wanted to have kids right away so we did wait. About two months after our wedding people started to ask why we don’t have any kids yet. When we told them that we will wait they did not agree at all. Now, after 3,5 years of marriage we have one gorgeous baby boy! Now the question is if he is going to have any brothers soon. But having son as a first born is much more easier than a daughter. Our friends only wanted one child and it happend to be a girl, now the husband family is so dissapointed with her because she is not giving any grandsons to them. It is so sad, but that is the way here. Nowadays even I tease our newlywed friedns about kids, not in a mean way though. 🙂 Just hang in there!

    • divya

      Thats so sad. I am a proudly Indian girl and I hate this mentality. Both boys and girls should be welcomed with equal fervour 🙂

      • Laura

        Injust recently made friends with one of the women from where I work. She had arrange marriage 2,5 years ago and they have a son turning 2 soon. Her inlaws made it very clear that if she goes through with the arranged marriage they must try for a son immediately as her future husband wanted. So after 2 months of marriage she was pregnant. She barely knew her husband. Luckily they had son so the burden of having kids is on the next daugher-in-laws.

        • divya

          Thats glad she did have a boy but what if she didn’t, why should that *ever* be a problem..Lauren has written about this, how people recognise the divinity of women in the form of the goddess and suppress them in their homes, this really HAS to change for the betterment of humanity

        • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

          Oh, I am so sad to hear this, Laura!! All babies are so special, my heart breaks when I think about how those little girls must feel when they hear that they “should” have been a boy 🙁

          I feel slowly things are changing, from things I’ve read and what people have told me about the past. I just hope it will change for the next genderation! xx

          • Laura

            Luckily we can change it! I am lucky to be able to teach to my son that it doesn’t matter if he has sons or daughters or decides to not have kids at all. And even better is that my husband agrees. He has 7 sisters and there is so much drama because of that. Too much responsibility for one person as he has his sisters, parents and his own family to take care of now. Being the only daughter-in-law is tough! The expectations for girls and boys are so different..

          • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

            That is beautiful, Laura!!

            Wow, 7 sisters, I have 4 (and no brothers) and have been given quite a bit of sympathy about it, so I am sure your MIL has been through a lot!
            I hope you are all well! Lots of love xx

  • ourgloballove

    Surprisingly we did not get to many inquiries as to why we didn’t have children even though we waited until we had been married for five years. I think they were to shocked to find out the foreigner was living in India and that my husband wasn’t living in the States fulltime. My sister-in-law, however, has really been getting the pressure for having a baby. They’ve been married for one and a half years, arranged marriage. I think much to my in-laws dismay I keep encouraging my sil to wait and get to know and enjoy her time with her husband before rushing to have a baby. But I totally hear you about the insensitivity of those that keep asking, especially when it is someone who you don’t even know, i.e. shopkeepers, etc. I think more people need to curb their curiosity and respect the privacy of the couple and just let them be. If they want you to know then they’ll tell you. If not, buzz off.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Jess,
      Aww your poor sister-in-law, the pressure must be so intense for her along with having to get used to everything else! 🙁
      I hope you are all well!!xx

  • divya

    I completely agree with you Lauren. I was the first one to comment against that man who said why no babies. I LOVE kids like adore them but one day when I myself get married I don’t want to rush into having kids. I have studied a bit of psychology and its proven that couples that wait before having kids are often happier then those that rush into it (for various reasons like they have given each other time to nicely settle into marriage , they have allowed themselves time to set themselves up in life,.plus they have given each other more time for their love to develop<3. Wishing you and abhiram all the beat in your journey 🙂 take care xoxo

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Thank you so much for all your comments, Divya!
      I agree, there are so many factors that go into raising a child, it’s best to have a stable foundation first- it doesn’t mean you want children any less!! I still don’t understand why people care so much about other people’s choices.
      Sending you lots of love <3 xx

  • friend

    In India ofcourse there is an additional pressure, the pressure to have a boy. That is a bigger problem that couples face. In Indian marriages you have to figure out a lot of things yourself. As the couple struggles with emotional and physical aspects of marriage, this additional burden of providing a heir to the family weights them down.

    As soon as a girl is born, parents start investing for her dowry. Then the entire life is spent looking out for the girl considering the how unsafe it is for the women in this country. Unless we do something about the marriage expenses/dowry, this cycle would continue. Nowdays, women have achieved success in various spheres of life but as a society and country we have failed to provide an environment where one half of the population can realise its full potential. This is one of the major problems of Indian society. I have heard not just in India this boy fixation is a problem in China also.

    People are slowly breaking away from it but it will take some time to do so.

    On a lighter note, somebody described marriage as graduation and parenthood as masters. They are both enriching experiences.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Yes, I have spoken to many women about this and most of them were under pressure to have boy, so sad. I am reminded every time I go into a hospital when I see the signs stating that gender determination is illegal!

      I feel times are changing though 🙂

  • Manpreet

    I strongly agree with you Lauren. It is couples personal choice when and whether to have babies or not. It takes a year to settle down in arrange marriages. Everything is new for the girl even the man of the house! It’s an irony that when she starts settling down slowly another phase enters in her life of having babies.

    No one exactly no one should be concerned about a couple becoming parents. Babies are gods gift. They arrive when they have to. No matter what. Instead of feeling pressurized, I feel one should just go with the flow and accept as well adapt to what ever is coming their way with smiling face. All phases of marriage are beautiful. From becoming a wife to a mother. Just enjoy. Xoxo

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Thank you so much, Manpreet!
      It’s a great skill to be able to let go of pressure, I think that people should know that stress reduces fertility- maybe then they would stop asking 😛
      I hope that you are well!
      Take care xx

  • Alexis Sunthwal

    Thank you for sharing this post. My husband and I are in the same situation. We’ve been married for two and a half years and have no children yet. My in-laws don’t push the children issue, but the rest of my husband’s family is, and especially my family. As you stated in your post, my husband and my entire family are waiting to see the Indian-White baby. I agree with you one hundred percent, something this personal should only be between the husband and wife.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Alexis,
      I am sorry you are under pressure from your family but glad your in-laws are supportive! It’s such a shame when people get carried away and don’t realise that they might be causing some discomfort!
      I hope you are all well! Sending love xx

  • Agate

    I totally agree with you. We recently celebrated 1 year and the struggle is real. Worst part is that everyone is acting offended when I say that I just simply don’t want it yet. I really don’t want to argue, but I am not going to conceive just so people would leave me alone.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Aww, no 🙁 that is so annoying 🙁
      I have learnt that sometimes it’s just best to smile and nod so you can do what you want to do without too many comments!
      Sending love xx

  • Bibi

    Yes, indeed.
    Here on the Asian subcontinent your reproductive status is everyone’s business & a valid topic of polite conversation. Get used to it. It will not stop until you’re around 50 yrs old.
    People have a right to privacy?
    Not around here, Madamji!
    Now you know where the stereotype of the “Nosy Indian” comes from.

  • cynthia haller

    This obsession about the reproductive state of women over here baffles me. I fortunately didn’t face any questions from my in-laws, and thank god the aunties in my neighbourhood kept reasonably quiet. That however changed when I gave birth to a girl. 6 months after she was born ladies in my neighbourhood started asking if I was trying for a second child. When I asked why, they pointed out that I must try for a boy. I shut them up quickly by telling them that should I ever be pregnant again, I would be wishing and praying for another girl, tat no I didn’t want a boy. Suddenly the enquiries about my uterus status stopped. The we shifted to Mumbai, and it was the same old thing from some aunties, apparently I must have a boy to have proved my worth. Then there were acquaintances that started asking if I was pregnant again, because my tummy was round, or because I looked “glowing”, and the direct questions of “When will you try for another child?” Not IF…WHEN as if it was given that I would want two. Sigh!

    • Ksenia Kletkina

      Oh how I hate that! I Girls are such bliss to have and I used to be teh happy mom of two pretty girls. However, when my second daughter was born I got pityful looks from my neighbours. Thankfully, close family never bothered about it. ANd I always told my husband that if we ever consider a third child then only if we will be happy to have a third girl – I am NOT ever trying to get a boy. EVer! Though we never planned a third child and he just decided himself that he has to come into our lives:) Now in the eyes of Indian society we look that we kept trying for boy that’s why after having 2 girls we went for third child.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Oh Cyn, how awful!
      I am so glad you could bring forward the sassy and zip their mouths. It must be so unhealthy for all these lovely little girls to hear, because I am sure people say these things in front of the daughters! 🙁
      *sigh* xx

    • RG

      Being childless by choice is very common in Australia and I even know some Indians who are that way here. But preferences? That’s something very new to me. I always thought that should me and my partner decide to have a second child it would be only to give a sibling to the first child.
      Recently one of my colleagues voiced out loud how she’d love to have a baby boy and got all disapproving glares from the other women. Like which era you’re living in?
      And the other day my friend told that she has been praying forever for a baby girl and should she deliver a boy she was gonna exchange it with the woman who had a baby girl in the hospital itself. Of course she told in jest but no one scowled or glared at her. Instead they found it amusing.
      I found it disturbing. Why is the latter alright and the former not?

  • Hilary from Japan Can(ada) Mix

    Ugh. One close relative started dropping the baby bomb question from my early 20s. I didn’t even get married until my early 30s! And I still kept saying that becoming a grandmother, aunt, cousin, whatever is a privilege, not a right. And then the fact that I married interculturally….oh! Your babies will be so cute, gorgeous, adorable, beautiful, etc!!!!!! You betcha. ;D I think they’d be darn cute whomever I was married to. Ha! I agree. Why women must carry this weight of expectation and counter demands and prying is absurd. Unless it’s divine conception, people DO know how babies are made??!

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Early twenties? Oh no!
      Sex is a taboo subject in India so when you really think about it, it’s strange that conception is such a popular one!
      I hope you and your little family are well xx

        • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

          If you wrote something that I can actually respond to, not just a single statement. I would have responded.

          I was shocked that you even commented on this post to be honest when it was you who wanted to know whether or not my husband and I were using “family planning methodology”…

          • Nicola

            I’m surprised, given this guy’s history on your blog (advertising for a white bride etc.), that you haven’t blocked him.

          • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

            I have several times but he keeps using different accounts and I don’t realise immediately, until he makes himself evident. This one is now blocked too after having to remove his response to my response, which again was calling for for a white wife. Some people never learn *sigh*
            Hoping you are well

  • Shobha

    Hope all these intrusive (to us) questions do not bother you too much; just remind yourself that the deeply rooted culture of being nosy will take time to adapt to modern ways of privacy and individuality. If anyone asks you something of a personal nature, just change the topic or count to ten and say calmly that you do not wish to discuss it.

    Just a few decades ago the situation was the same in the western world – a woman’s job was to get married and have babies.

    It took years of work by western pioneers like Emmeline Pankhurst, Susan B. Anthony Margaret Sanger, Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, etc. to change the role of women in modern society.

    By the way, Gloria Steinem spent two years in India on a scholarship after graduating from college in the mid- 1950s. She even visited Nagpur to meet Sri Vinobha Bhave – to study grass roots level activism and the panchayat method. She was very impressed by the women she met in her travels throughout India.

    It takes time for change to occur, in the meanwhile – just shrug off the annoyances. Just your presence there is a catalyst for change. any culture that accepts feminine power as divine has hope for improvement.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Shobha,
      I love your comment!
      Times are changing, slowly. For instance, when I buy sanitary products from some shops in Nagpur, they are wrapped in newspaper as if they are shameful. I told my mum and she said that this was how it was in the UK when she started her periods! India is getting there, there are so many inspirational stories and inspirational Indian women out there!
      Thanks again for your comment, I must research Gloria Steinem in India!

      Sending love xx

      • friend

        Not just sanitary pads and condoms but non vegetarian food like meat and fish are also wrapped like black polythene bags. These are all taboo items and people may get offended by their sight.

  • Mani (A New Life Wandering)

    On my most recent trip to India this Indian guy that had helped us with many things when we were living there told me that the next time I come back to India he wants to see a baby. It made me laugh. It didn’t bother me because we actually don’t get bothered about this subject much even though we just celebrated our 5th anniversary and no kids.

  • friend

    I want to say something and it my personal opinion. There are certain other aspects of the parenthood debate. Parenthood is not just about bringing a child into the world but what happens afterwards which is physically and mentally challenging. If circumstances are appropriate then a couple should not postpone it for a long time. You don’t want to get into a situation where you are physically and mentally not prepared to be parents.

    At an advanced age, you are used to certain comfort zone and may not want drastic changes in it which parenthood brings with it. There are medical complications in pregnancy and your body is also prone to lifestyle disorders. Parenthood is also a labour intensive job and you may find that you are not physically enthusiastic to run around the child, have sleepless nights etc. Most couples do not have any idea about the physical aspect of parenthood until it happens.

    Most importantly, those who married late and had children at a late age, find that they have retired but their children have not settled down. Physically and financially it is a very difficult situation at a very crucial time. Ideally, you want to plan out your major expenses like higher education for children, marriages, house etc. when you have a few years of job still left and you are physically fit. Most of the medical and financial problems come together and become very difficult to handle.

    Considering all this, an early pregnancy is not such a bad idea provided the couple are physically, financially and mentally prepared for parenthood.

    There is not need to rush but there also no need to delay it unnecessarily. As time passes, life become more complicated and uncertain.

  • Tamilla

    Ah Lauren – I can totally relate to this post and probably so can most women married to Indian men! My sister in-law just had a baby a few months ago so I naively assumed that the spotlight would be on her for a while but it seems my cute niece’s arrival has had the opposite effect – everyone is asking me much more frequently now when we are planning to have a child! Even my own mother, who has been relaxed and liberal about most things until this year, has started pressuring me every time we talk. SOS – help! 🙂 PS: Very happy that you started blogging again.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Tamilla,
      Thank you so much 😀
      Aww no, I’m sorry it’s piled on the pressure!! I would have thought that a new little baby would have taken off some of the pressure too, I guess we were wrong!
      I know it’s really hard to ignore, especially when it comes from your own family. I hope everyone gets the message soon!!!
      Lots of love xx

  • allycebg

    I have lots to say on this topic, Lauren but I’m not brave enough to wade into your troll pool. Talk to you on Facebook. Lots of love <3

  • vkjoshi

    In India, getting a baby is everybody’s business. I remember that wife of one of my ‘sala’ (brother-in-law) (although ‘sala’ is also commonly used as a swear word in India) had a tough time dealing with comments till she conceived fourteen years after marriage, after many surgeries, etc. She had become immune to comments, or maybe, they made her stronger. I remember a ‘tantrik, a kind of black magician)’, who stayed near our house, told my wife casually on seeing her cousin’s wife for the first time (without asking) that her face shows that she would be soon have good news, though ‘soon’ took ten years. In India, ‘tantriks’ are a common phenomena in small towns and villages, and some come to stay in bigger towns to mint money. Even local TV channels and regional newspapers boldly advertise them.

  • Rachel

    my indian inlaws gave us 2 years before we needed to have a baby 😛 I was told to enjoy marriage for 2 years but then we want babies! but after 1 year they started asking where the baby was, all. the. time. I found it very stressful as we had in fact been trying and I had already shed many tears in private. We are pregnant now which is wonderful. And contrary to the comment above, my indian in laws are desperate for a girl! the last generation was all boys so now they want a girl but i suspect it will be another boy

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Congrats on your pregnancy, Rachel!! I’m sorry you had to face the pressure during a time that was already stressful!
      Will you be finding out the gender before the birth, it’s illegal here in India (for good reason).
      My in-laws also want girls because of all the boys :).
      I hope you are having a beautiful pregnancy, lots of love xx

  • Rajesh

    I am glad some one is discussing this online. And to be frank, situation is neither different for men. I am married for 17 months now and I do face similar awkward questions too.

    But to analyze, I attribute this to the information gap on family planning methods and lack of perspective on privacy. A lot of people including my educated parents believe that using contraceptive methods have negative effects. The fear of not having an extended family line pushes them to break the privacy boundaries.

    And coming to privacy, yeah people here are slightly intrusive when it comes to relatives n family.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Rajesh,
      Thank you for your comment! I am sorry that you are also going through this but thank you for showing it’s not just ladies that are faced with the questions!
      Hoping you and your wife are well!
      Take care!

  • Padapradscha

    Well for one thing Indian people just love babies and children, and it’s really impressive to see how people get out of their way to help, scold and give advice if you go around with kids. I’ve never seen such affection for kids anywhere else I’ve travelled so far, apart from Italy maybe. It’s like everyone in India has skills in childcare,

    Then, I guess many Indian people have this part endearing and part infuriating habit of pointing you in the “good” direction, and these questions about babies are perhaps actually indirect questions about your married life. Just like a MIL may tell you to comb your hair because a nice appearance is a proof of a happy marriage, or a SIL may ask bluntly if her brother is treating you well (both things happened to me). As westerners we may feel insulted and reply snarkely, but I don’t think these comments are meant to embarass. It’s just like the small talk British people make about the weather. “It’s a bit chilly today, isn’t it ? Yes, and when is baby due ? After the rains, old chap” 🙂

    By the way, we have a baby girl and in (South) India people kept kissing, hugging and taking pictures of the baby. Now she thinks she’s some kind of movie star.

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Padapradscha,
      Indians are definitely way more direct than British people when it comes to such things, it does take a lot of getting used to and it is easy to take offense at first (combing hair comments etc.). I’ve almost noticed that children are pretty much public property in India, I’ve seen things that I could never imagine seeing back home. These days in England, you have to ask permission to look into a pram 🙂

      I bet your little girl is gorgeous 😀

      Hoping you are all well!

      Take caree xx

  • sam

    well Social differences in these matters , some good some bad ….. give & take . True If Not all but some people favor boys in India … but again I always found India More “Naturally” feminist than west. …Here in Europe or US/UK ..the way we treat women like objects .
    Too many Violent , Abusive men & relationships , Commitment-Phobic men , Single Mothers… It’s western society pictures .

    In India … Where there is Child marriage at least in some extent & parts of north India . US/Europe will top in Child pregnancies much much higher. I have seen pregnant girls from 12,13,14 years old ….(Irony :which is Very rare in India compare to west numbers & west NGOs criticizes India for child marriage ! )

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Hey Sam,
      I don’t think you can compare two issues like child marriage and teenage pregnancy and it’s not health to generalise any part of the world!
      Hoping you are well,
      Take care

  • rohit

    Its very bad in habit of our country. Why they ask others about family planning or whatever..its couple personal life….but in yes, in 21st century …many men or youngster don’t care much ..mainly in City….y

  • miromiro531

    Funny, reading this all I think is “Thank God my fiance’s sister will probably have kids and I can’t wait to hear what everyone has to say once they find out that we don’t want any!” My fiance (he’s Indian, of course, or this comment wouldn’t be relevant, lol) says he wants whatever I want and that it’s my body, so it’s my choice, but also says that kids are a liability in regards to our happiness and our plans for our future (I couldn’t agree more). Moreover, he says he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks…but I do know that, in many ways, the disappointment over not having children will likely fall on my foreigner shoulders – if he had married a nice Indian girl, they’d have grandkids from him….oh well!

    ~Michelle (

  • Akshara

    I read this post after your pregnancy announcement so first off, heartiest congratulations! I understand what you were going through when you wrote this. Been married for 3 years and the pressure keeps coming on and off. Although, we don’t have anyone nagging us but the sporadic discussion can be scary. I mean, when someone asks me ‘When…’, my first thought is ‘Do we even want?’. All the the questions make our doubts on parenthood seem almost unnatural. ‘ur friends are mothers now, what’s holding you back?’ How do you explain to people you love so much that sometimes you and your husband think travelling at will, not having a lifelong responsibility…are genuine thoughts? Or that wanting to be a parent when you hold a small baby is also a genuine thought?

    The struggle ‘To be or not to be’ is real enough without having to give out so many explanations!

    • Lauren Mokasdar Post author

      Thank you so much, Akshara!

      It’s definitely not unnatural, it’s something that should personal choice but I think it’s only in recent years that people have realised that (all over the world!). With time you guys will be able to make the right decision that fits you both, not others expectations!

      Sending lots of love xx

  • Sona

    Hi Lauren,

    I have accept your point. I’m also a Indian girl, i like all my traditional over here, but when we coming the child, i hate everything here. My story is totally different, I had a boy child, but no more now. He was died due to dengu fever. But My family and my neighborhood all blaming me still for child. They not even understand my feelings, my situations. But My husband always supports me. Thats the only reason i’m living now. I hate this society regarding this!!

  • Avinash

    Indians are extremely nosy people.We seem to have no concept of boundaries and personal space.

  • Luma

    I am very lucky in my family that they actually take the opposite approach to girls. I had not been expecting this, but as I had always wanted a daughter, I said one time to my father in law that “a daughter is best”. To my total shock, he replied immediately “of course”, as if that was the obvious answer. I later discovered that this is partly due to their Islamic beliefs, whereby having a girl is very good luck and if you have three or more daughters (I believe this is the correct number), you are basically fast-tracked to heaven! I have seen this in practice as well, because they all fawn over the little girls in the family, whilst the boys have to run around and entertain themselves!

    My family never gave me too much grief about not having a baby quickly, although on meeting one aunty around six months after marriage, I was quizzed upon why I was not yet pregnant. She then turned to my sister in law and asked if it was because I am foreign and foreign women hate children!

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